38

I'm ready to lie down on my therapist's couch and unload...
What is the punishment for failing Lent? I would love to tell you that I haven't been complaining but the last two weeks... ok, I admit it. I complained. A lot. And well I haven't been to church. Thankful there is grace.
4-1-1+1-1 A month or so ago, one of my team members went on maternity leave. A couple of weeks ago another team member was on bereavement leave, but he came back just in time for my other team member to quit. If I spend anymore time at work, I might die. What? I'm feeling melodramatic today.
Wanted: Wanted! One nanny for small baby kitten- age 5 years. Skills required: sitting, snuggling, resting, sunning, petting, brushing, some kissing, singing and napping. Poor baby is lonely and needs a human companion. He misses me and is very clingy.
38 days I can't believe I made it into the 30s. Could be spared April? There is just no time. Honestly, I haven't been reading this week, I'm behind. I don't even know what I should be reading. I'm in the weeds.
Suck it up! Last weekend we noticed some fleas on the wee ones, probably from us tracking them inside. So we knew we had to clean up the awful mess in our house. So we got everything off the floor in the bedroom, vacuumed under the bed, the office is not covered in junk (it is very disorienting). We went through two vacuum bags.
The departed 9 We tried getting neon tetras. We are fish killers. The 8 cuties died, instantly upon entry into our Tank of Death.
I am deeply saddened by the death of Mike Schnail. He was loved and is buried in backyard. Cause of death unknown.



After that, what can I say? A bad bad streak.

ladies ladies ladies

Ian Malcolm: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.

Ellie Sattler: Dinosaurs eat man … woman inherits the earth.

-Jurassic Park

Ladies-

What are we waiting for? Dinosaurs? If you haven't noticed we haven't done enough regarding women's issues. I know what you are thinking, feminism is wrong somehow? I've been there. I remember it perfectly. I was discussing how Mulan was a great addition to the Disney princess movies because finally a strong female character is being portrayed. A male member of the church told me being a feminist was "wrong."

Wanting to be treated fairly is not feminism. Wanting the same opportunities as your male coworkers is not feminism. You can still respect men and DEMAND respected in return!

We haven't done enough. I've seen it first hand.

Was take your daughter to work day all in vain? Here is daddy's job but you can only expect to be a secretary... I mean Administrative Assistant. Even if you are promoted out of an admin role, expect to be treated like one based only on your gender. Because sweetheart, princess, men make the money. Men are smarter, and better leaders.

Well guess what Boys Club, you didn't know who you were throwing under the bus. You didn't know I've seen Mulan AND Jurassic Park. And your male membership card will only get you so far.

I don't care if I have to work harder just because I am a woman. But I won't be last.

Let's go get em girls!!!!

me-reader 44

I have 44 days left. Wooo!

Amost a year ago I started a six month treatment of meds that wrecked my body. I had so many issues, the most difficult was fatigue. My body was just d-o-n-e. I couldn't imagine feeling "alive" again.

I've noticed in the past month or so all this energy, wow, where did this come from. I don't walk in the door and get straight into bed.

Next step is to have TIME to mix in with this energy and see what great things can come of it. A month and a half, tee hee.

What I am reading this week:
The Storyteller- Mario Vargas Llosa
Glengary Glen Ross
John Gray- poetry; The Beggar's Opera
Eliza Fowler Haywood- Fantomina
Stephen Duck- The Thresher's Labour
Mary Collier- The Woman's Labour
William Hogarth- Rake's Progress; Harlot's Progress


And still working on that thesis. I'm accepting ideas.

holt street

I grieve in bits.
Small thoughts that open my heart to the hurt. I knew this would be difficult but I had no idea it would hurt. I have physical pain.

Holt St. was our street, our sidewalk, that backyard, those birds, her flowers, her house, our center. The idea that someday it won’t be ours anymore sits on my chest and I breath stinging short breaths.
The family has started to deal with her belongings. I cannot bear this for it is rooted in a reality I just want to pretend isn’t there. But it is reality. We are temporary. Even this house that has been hers my entire existence is temporary. I haven’t been in the house yet. I can’t comprehend that she isn’t inside.

Last night I took home a bowl I had made for her.
It is one of those horrible memories you wish you could wash away.
The ride home
her bowl in my lap
catching tears.

MeeMaw made me two ceramic kitties. In a move or in some idiotic haste they have been lost. And I feel sick. David says not to beat myself up. But how? I know she wouldn’t care, but I care. I want them. She made them for me, and scratched FB on the bottom, or maybe it is F.B.

Today I grieve these small pieces.

streaming live without filter

not sure what and how to say "Stuff"
remember when you were 16 and the parents asked how your life was and you could only say fine, cause you are 16 and your brain is underdeveloped and swirling and fine seems an appropriate word to describe your teenage angst? teenage angst morphs into young adult angst doesn't it? i missed the memo.

without complaining i will say
i am so incredibly fatigued
i've mentioned before that i dont run. i avoided 12 years of PE for this reason. but for some reason in college i would and could run and did probably because i was skinny and the jiggling was minimal. i started by running to a stop sign and i made it so i picked a tree further down the road and made it to the tree. by now im wheezing and start bargaining with myself, legs are jello but you can make it once more around the lake, if you could just do that you can walk the rest of the way.
today i'm bargaining to myself. if i can just make it one more day but there isn't a short term pay off. if i make it till tomorrow i get to do it all over again.

How are you today Analee?
Fine.
Maybe a little tired.

What's new in your life?
I got a 10 gallon fish tank for my snail. I miss my MeeMaw and sometimes can't believe time is still moving. I read too too much but enjoy Gabriel Garcia Marquez just finished 2nd novel in 2 weeks. Heard a new word- scread- going to start using it; definition- in between read & skim. Wondering why my lawn is so brown, we are that lawn on the block. Tried a new yogurt on the recommendation of some random blogger, I've dumped DP as my best friend. Chobani + AM= BFF. I can officially say I have experienced the.worst.test.ever. and I'm thankful for a curve. Spring Break is a lie, I have not yet received said "break."

***Anyone a talented 10 key? I have a job for you! ;) And while I am farming out work, anyone have a super great A thesis for a Brit Lit paper lemme know. Maybe I could come up with a give away, best thesis for 18th British Liturature will win a prize. I'm almost positive this still applies to my "honor code."
ok ok i'll pick my topic my self...

fire away

If I can't say anything nice I shouldn't say anything at all.
So let me sum up my week...

The End.

littles

Its Thursday.
I don't know if I am happy about it or a little freaked out about how little time I have left in this week. Both.

What do I think about when I am not studying/reading/writing?
- The house is dirty
- Kitties

I'm obsessed with my kitties. Like why Rigby looks the way he does? I came across a kitty, Maru, on Cute Overload. One day it hit me! Rigby looks like Maru!! Maru is a Scottish Fold with unfolded ears. Look! A smashed face and big paws! Twins! (I'm sure everyone cares, pretend it is a comparison between human children)

Lent is coming...
Lent starts next week! That snuck up on me. But what I've decided to do is revisit a failed attempt at not complaining. About six months ago I tried and fizzled. The basic concept is do not complain, be sarcastic, or gossip.

The babies are BOYSThey turned 3 last week. Three. Tres. Trios. They are officially little boys. But I love them at this age. They know me and want to play with me, although I left dp do all the rough stuff cause 2 on 1 isn't fair.

We went to Abilene last weekend for their party. Lots of LEGO fun.
Don't you wish you had a twin to help you bust open a pinata? Don't you wish you had a giant for an uncle?

So that's all. Busy weekend ahead. Will emerge for food and sunshine if available. Now accepting candy and caffeine as fuel.

67

A countdown probably isn't the most mature way to look at this semester. However, it gives me perspective.

I am convinced that the "devil" or whatever you call it does not want me to succeed. I have felt him trying his very best to derail me again. But it isn't going to work this time. I just want the Evil One to know that.

In May, in 67 days, I plan on excessive sleeping and watching brain rotting television to the point that I am not recognizable as a person and taking a serious break from reading anything.

What I am reading this week...

• Of Love and Other Demons- Gabriel Garcia Marquez
• The Heroic Couplet, Essay on Criticism, Windsor Forest, Eloisa to Abelard- Pope
• Gulliver's Travels (I haven't finished this one...)
• The Gentleman's Magazine
• V****a Monologues-Eve Ensler-- already read this. It is more than you think it will be. It was very very good.