If at first you burn the kitchen down... try try again

I remember the very first meal I cooked for David. Isn't that sweet?

We had just moved into our apartment after months of living in a hotel and I decided I would make an Italian dinner for my Italian husband. I set the kitchen on fire. Ok, maybe not on fire, but the smoke alarm went off and my meatballs ended up being charcoal.

I watched David cut off the charred outside of these "mini meatballs" and discovered raw innards. He choked a couple of them down and said they weren't that bad.

It was so awful I NEVER made them again. Monday I googled "easy meatball recipe" and apparently you are supposed to bake them. Last night was meatball night for the first time in 6 years.

And they were good.


-see i don't just feed him gruel...

reissued

i think i am ready to re-assimilate back into society. i had a little bit of a freak out.

one day i woke up and realised i didn't recognise me. i had become an anxious, scared, sad person. a single world weighed on me - OBLIGATED. i think they call that burnout, a deep heavy dissatisfaction with every moment of my life.

of course there are good things and happy moments but not a one because of me. i was trying force myself into a mold. somehow in my head not fitting in = something is wrong with me = i'm not good enough.

it is exhausting.

so i just stopped all contact. yes, i understand that is "running away". but i am beginning to feel more like myself, a part of me is awakening and doesn't want to be stuffed away where others can't see. EVEN IF i'm not a good enough christian, or wife, or worker, or thin enough, smart enough. EVEN IF i don't want to be a mother, or a chef, or a crafter...

silly as it may be i was trying to earn people's friendship and love. until someone said to me "people couldn't possibly be your friend because you are interesting, fun or witty, right? they are just friends for the stuff." when she said it back to me it sounded stupid.

where have i been? being selfish for the first time in a long time. i do what i want and i don't make plans cause i like that feeling. i'm not sure where i go from here. i guess i find my own, unique path.




how is that for a narcissistic post?

please sir

Wednesday night I came home, long day of work (I had a bad headache), and as I opened the door I had a sniff sniff moment.

Sniff Sniff... what is that smell? Trash? Dead rat? Biological warfare?!

It was the crockpot.
A crockpot full of gruel.

It looked like green, alien mush. And it smelled worse than it looked. And tasted... well, I wouldn't know.

Take that Pioneer Woman

ps- dp tried to eat the leftovers today. said he couldn't do it. thus leading me to the conclusion that he does in fact have taste buds.

pps- you know how mom's just know everything? how is that? mom instructed me to leave out a dish of vinegar to absorb the slow roasted fart/feet smell and it worked. mom's are infinitely smart, mine might be the smartest.

ppps- Scentsy users, you might like to know that although Scentsy can battle some tough odors... it was no match for gruel.