nine

Twelve years ago I met a boy. I've thought a lot about our month long courtship and what specifically it was that knitted us together to survive long distance and the military and civilian life.

Nothing rings loud. When we drove each other nuts we couldn't seem to get rid of the other. During the everyday we'd talk endlessly on the phone... don't remind my daddy about the $2500 phone bill. oops

Nearly everyone of our major life decisions went like this:
David, what if we...
*got married in three months
*took the Washington command instead of San Diego
*got out of the Navy (this decision was made by email. that's military spousing)
*move to Houston without jobs
*buy a house 5 years earlier than we discussed
*start an olive ranch

David is not only my enormous best friend, lifter of heavy things, reacher of high things, rubber of feet
for whatever reason he has the ability to take my dreams and make them his own
my crazy, spontaneous, irrational, big big dreams

I don't feel like he simply tags along
he genuinely grabs hold of my passion and makes it reality with a commonly spoken sentence in our house

Ok, what do we need to do to make it happen

Maybe we didn't have an epic romance, but it seems to me, nine years later we are an unstoppable partnership. And I love that.

2006  2007 2008 2010 2011 2013

How strange

How strange it is to be anything at all. —Alice


It is silliness to try and plot the points of your life.  Paths wind and bend and turn back onto themselves.

The last few months have been strange.
I quit my new job
David quit his job
David got a new job
I'm unemployed... by choice, sort of

I quit my job because it just wasn't a good fit, which sounds like an interview answer but is the truth. I could have stayed and been miserable for probably a year and kept a responsible looking resume but really what is the point of that?

During the week I was contemplating quitting David had a networking meeting, liked the guy and stumbled into an interview. I quit and a day later David accepted a new job. We were quiet and just listened and felt like this is where we were being guided.

So, what's been going on since February?
Well when you wait your whole life for something and you get it and it isn't what you wanted and you are so so tired and don't have healthcare and don't know how you will pay for car repairs and sit alone in the house where thoughts aren't drowned out my coworkers and work calls...

Things, feelings, crept up on me I wasn't expecting. I slipped. Found myself dealing, again, with depression and anxiety leading me to an unhealthy place.

Right now the best thing for me is to take care of myself and figure out what I want and practicing a little (LOT) of self-care. So I'm not working. And not listening to my inner voice telling me I am lazy, meditating to the idea of freedom - flying in a light blue sky, the kind with wispy brushed clouds - practicing yoga, slowly pealing back some protective layers and trying to remember what Analee used to want and like and laugh about.


It is a wonder how anything happens. Big things and small things are all equal parts random and fate.

it's my world and all you people are just livin in it

I might be 30, own my home, work in a high profile industry, manage a house and a family.

But my husband tucks me into bed every night.

Confession #5
While I am getting ready for bed he straightens the sheets, removes all the crummies and specs of poky things that always find their way into the bed, and fluffs my our pillows. (I just realized I'm sounding like a spoiled brat)

Then I fling myself into bed
sometimes a dramatic gone-with-the-wind-flop
sometimes a bouncy hop
sometimes a half asleep shuffle
sometimes I carefully insert myself next to a sleeping cat or two

He pulls the sheet up to my chin and throws my blanket it the air, cracking it like a whip as it slowly floats back down and to lay perfectly on my arms.

If I am feeling silly I will request a "Mummy"
and he tucks in the sheet all around me till I can't move and I am wrapped up tight
I can't help but giggle the whole time, when do you get to have this much fun?

Maybe it is immature and it is probably asking too much of poor Dp who can't possible want to de-crummy the bed all the time.

I hope I always stay silly, and confident in my likes/dislikes, and proud to say I'm 50 and still think the Muppet Movie is hysterical, 60 and I still play Frankenstein with my gummy bears, 80 and love to swing.

I hope David tucks me in every night and I can say at the age of 90 "Can you mummy me?"

Eight - Confessions 30:2 & 3

I am one of the least romantic women, possibly on Earth. I just don't think that way.

For example - today in honor of my eighth anniversary I wore my seashell earrings. I find this almost too sentimental because I was married at the San Luis in Galveston, and their logo is a seashell. Nauseating isn't it?


Confession 2
Of our 11 years together and 8 years married, Dp and I have spent 5 together. Sometimes I forget that we spend every single day together now and how much time we spent apart for 6 years.

And then sometimes I wish he'd just go away again. But usually that is after he has had smelly Indian food and is trying to convince me he needs a handgun. Thankfully I can send him to the garage and not to the Persian Gulf.


Confession 3
David and I are way better friends than we are spouses.
We are so good at the loyalty, having fun, sharing interests. We've survived a lot and are well conditioned for "crisis mode." 

Yet, when it comes to date nights, saying sweet things to each other and I'll let you guess if we kiss goodbye every morning, we under-preform. This isn't to say that I don't love David or have romantic-like feelings towards him. But after 11 years, we've realised we both just suck at that stuff. And as a couple try to nurture that part of our relationship but it is work for us.

Do we fight about what to watch on tv? Nope.
What about where to eat? Nope.
Can I give Dp a certain look and he involuntarily get up and get me icecream? Yes.
If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

Homecomings

I've experienced two official Homecomings and then so many smaller informal homecomings I can't even count.

I consider myself a veteran.
Spouses and military families sacrifice so much to support their service member. The years of service are hard, and Dp and I continue to struggle with transitioning to civilian life.

The military, no matter what level of action is seen, changes you. Training in the Navy focuses on mental strength, the ability to stay focused while on a boat for months at a time. Also, the majority of work that goes on during deployment is Top Secret or higher. I know nothing about what Dp did on his last deployment.

As a spouse, I was told by Dp's commanding officers to never talk to him about real life, only email him about positive things and never reveal any struggles from back home. This was to keep him focused. This also requires a level of independence and strength from spouses/families, and hardened me as well. I couldn't let myself miss him, if you let yourself think that it will be nine or more months before you see, smell, touch and speak with your best friend...that will tear a person apart. So I learned to shut off all those loving feelings and focus on my job, keeping him focused and healthy and doing his job. When your entire relationship is built on discipline and withholding feelings, and information, it is extremely difficult to re-learn normal. 

Our time in the military was "easy" compared to most.

This memorial day, remember the fallen. And remember the deeper and long lasting sacrifices of the military and their families. Because even after a celebratory Homecoming, some men/women can never come home, not all the way.

Thankfully, I had many Homecomings.

there comes a time

In a woman's life there are milestones, markers, that signal growth and change.
First lipgloss
First boy/girl birthday party
First date

Some recent milestones:

I drank coffee. Twice! I think this means I am a grown up. David is very proud of me, and monday I brought in my coffee to work and he said "were the people at work proud of you too?"

Mattress day mattress day everyone get excited it is mattress day! Our mattress is crap. Dead. The edging on one side completely collapsed a while ago. We've been "living with it" but in the last four or five months the need for a new mattress has become immediate. I'm not sure Dp and I have had a good night's rest in ages.
When we went to Arkansas to meet Brynn Leigh, we slept on an air mattress. Best sleep in months. An air mattress.

New Mattress was an investment we couldn't put off any longer. For two hours we laid on every mattress in the store and settled on one we both liked. This evening we get New Mattress!!!

You know you've been married a long time when you start re-buying things you bought when you were first married.




Opposite end of the grown up spectrum:
I still use my baby blanket my grammy made me.
It is the perfect weight for Houston summers. And living with a blanket hog, this is my blanket that no husband can steal in the middle of the night, my back up plan.

Mom had everyone take pictures of their baby blankets grammy embroidered for her mother's day gift. These pictures of pristine blankets poured in, and then there was my sad blanket. worn. unrecognisable.

I'm 30 years old (ish) and I love this blanket. And ain't nothin' ever gonna change about that!






ps- this was my picture for grammy, blanket maybe worn but it shows how much I lurve it.

the successful failure

David and I spent the long weekend (was I the only one who had President's Day off?) camping at Garner State Park. It wasn't great.

Last week was probably the worst week in my professional life to date. I've never felt so unwanted, unappreciated and villainized in my entire life. I just wanted to spend the weekend in bed, surrounded by kitties and junk food. David made me go camping. Friday night we tried to pull together a menu, get all the gear organized and loaded in the car. I hate rush packing.

The drive was perfect. I love driving. So relaxing and freeing. Open road is the only thing that takes away my anxiety... that and kitties on leashes. (we'll get there in a moment.)

When we got to our site, we realized we were at a trailhead without any trees or shade. grumble. But it was either this trailhead or that trailhead so whatever, did I mention I didn't even want to come? What were the kitties doing without me??? David started to set up the tent and I sat in the car pouting. And I hear

"Awww CRAP"

David looks up and says I split my pants. And not the "woops I ripped the seat of my pants" but in the middle of a lunge he SPLIT THE CROTCH of his jeans! Ok, this got a smile, and a giggle, and a throw-back-my-head-and-explode-in-uproarious-laugher laugh.

David dun split his britches.

So we went on a sewing kit scavenger hunt, found one, sewed up his pants and then had lunch. You know, how every camping trip starts out.

By now it is getting kinda late, almost 4pm and David decides we should try the trail head by our campsite instead of the main, park sanctioned trail. And we started up the trail marked DANGER! LOOSE ROCKS! DANGER ZONE! VERY STEEP. (seriously) And we made it up several hundred feet of pure rock climbing and I think this is insane, I wanted a nice quiet weekend in bed and I am clawing and boulders and scampering up a cliff. So we turned around and came back down. Tried another trail as the sun was setting and ran back to the camp to try and get a fire started before dark. I was pretty much chanting "I am not having fun. I want my kitties." the whole way back to camp.

Dinner was a part success. Most everything cooked. But it was getting pretty chilly at this point and our meat was cooked but turned ice cold the second we pulled it off the fire. We made these Campfire Banana Splits - banana, mallow, chocolate wrapped in foil, A++.

That night IT.WAS.FREEZING.

Well no, that isn't accurate, it was 27 degrees which would make it BELOW FREEZING.

I didn't sleep, and spent the whole night with the tummy shivers and listening to Dp snoring. That is till 4am, when I had too pee and I was crying cause I was tired and so cold and I just wanted a nice quiet weekend in bed with the kitties and this is not fun. Dp drove me to the potty, which is heated by the way, and then we parked in front of the pavilion and slept in the car with the heat running.

At least I was warm and had a couple hours of sleep and was saved by daylight. (insert story here about our hippie neighbors who refused to use the restroom and I got to see bare hippie butt take a morning tinkle 20 feet from our site.) So we started to cook our breakfast.

See image below. Yes. That horrifying thing was breakfast. Otherwise known as charred tortilla.

Lesson learned.

This is when we set out to find coffee for Dp, there was also a tea kettle on fire disaster, and basically drove 14 miles round trip to get him caffiene, and by now I am ready to just pack up and go home. Right? Is this painful to read? But I wanted to see Lost Maples and the park ranger swore it wasn't going to be as cold. So I decided to stay.

We drove to Lost Maples crossing the Sabinal River 6 times (we counted) and right off I saw a cardinal. Cardinals always mean good luck for me. Lost Maples was perfect. Perfect weather, perfect water, amazing views, amazing trails, hopping across rocks to cross streams. Highlight of the trip. We should have stayed there. We only got to hike 1/3 of the park but I am sold. Certainly going back.

Although I gave a compelling argument to abandon everything at Garner and just head home on a high note, Dp drove me back to evil #15 campsite. We had a huge fire, our food wasn't charred, and our marshmallows were crispy on the outside - gooey on the inside.  Mr. Cardinal really turned things around. That night was a perfect temperature, I didn't even shiver once!

Cat on a Leash Story

All those Hill Country doggies have a great life. They get to play in State Parks, walk beautiful trails, drink from spring fed rivers and streams. Every time we'd see a puppy on the trails I'd tell Dp how cool it would be if we had a kitty on a leash. As we were leaving Garner I SAW A KITTY ON A LEASH. *cue squeals of excitement, joy, happiness, and 1 small glare of envy. Ps- it was a Maincoon and it was sniffing tall grass.

wanted: one grand vacation

I am so tired.

The day after the snoball treat I got a cold.

25 days later...

Saturday I gave in and got antibiotics. The cold only lasted 2 weeks but the EVIL earache lingered. Yesterday was the first day in three weeks that I wasn't in terrible pain. Relief.

And apparently Halls is now an encourager.

Oh and by the way David lost his job at the beginning of September. It feels like ages ago. We scrambled, re-wrote his resume and started the dance. Amazingly, he found another job at a bigger (hopefully better) shop and today is his first day.

None of this was dp's fault, just bad luck and bad timing. Which seems to be a theme for us lately. I feel so responsible for making him happy and successful. It is almost like a second job.

Therapist lady has helped me realize that we've never transitioned from Navy couple to civilian couple. I'm still doing everything on my own, all the worry and all the responsibility. It just feels like it is all up to me and David is the wildcard. I "know" he is here for good, but in a way I'm still preparing for him to be gone for a year. We are working on transitioning... you know... five years later. Really hoping dp having a real job will help allow me to let go.
*I chose that picture cause he'll hate that I posted it. Thats how I show my love.

Grandaddy continues to struggle with his health. So much of me is trying not to think about it, because avoiding reality is easier. So instead:

Gordon is a retired Colonel and I'm sure was a very serious man. But I hardly ever saw Grandaddy as anything but silly. He delighted in making people laugh. I love my grandaddy who would round us kids up for dinner with a made up a Come To Dinner song.

His laugh is like this: Ho ho he he he he. I can hear it, can you?

Man it is hard.

I did a little craft project this weekend, cause I needed some fall happiness and of course it had to do with my kitties. I love them!!

I especially love their little hineys. You dont know them so you don't really know that this is the most accurate depiction of their tails. But it is.

All you need to know about Wheels, Rigby and Abbey is right there.

I'll put a pebble in my shoe

Last night conversation:

Dp-  I found it.

Brings me a pebble he has been kicking around for days but couldn't find due to our dark hardwoods and poorly lit hall.

Me- That's a nerd.
Dp- No its a brown speckled rock.
Me- It's a purple nerd.
Dp tries to smash it expecting to see little damage to his "pebble."
Dp- Ok its a nerd.

What you have learned about me today: I have a serious candy addiction. Also, we need to sweep the hall frequently.


*ps- if you have godspell stuck in your head now, join the club. I shall call the pebble dare we will walk together and when we both have had enough I will take it from my shoe singing meet your new road

may days

MAY 15 2012

It is May.
Already.
Did you know that? Well it is, even if you still think it is April.

:: May is always a great month at work because we aren't closing the quarter. There are just 3 small months a year when we aren't analysing leasing activity, vacancy rates, projections for next quarter. May is a catch up/ clean up month.

:: Grooming. I need a hair cut so bad. I miss Darcy. She probably thinks I broke up with her. But my hair is long and shaggy whilst saving for a Darcy cut. I'm asking for a hair cut for my birthday.

Also my adorable (not) little (not) mustache needs dealing with. As in, I have a better mustache than dp. Love getting older (not).

:: The past month or two Dp & I have found 6 cars we like and would buy. So we drive out to the car dealership and get there and someone is in the office signing the papers right then and there. Monday we found a car we didn't hate.

Car Requirements:
1. Does dp fit?
2.Can dp drive without his knees activating the turn signal?
3. That's all.
Anyways, we bought a car. And now starts the praying that he won't break this one. 2 cars in as many years is not a good track record. I should have bought him a bicycle.

:: David finished his course work for his real estate license due largely to my father forcing him to sit down after Friday Night Mexican and completing quizes together, while my mom and I read free kindle books and tell Mav and Jojo to stop "wrestling."



:: I've been feeling the need to be creative. I know this because I get restless, start painting my nails crazy colors, researching new hair colors and feeling insatiably RESTLESS.

So I painted our porch rug.
I hate it.
Adjustments need to be made, and if it stays dry this weekend (I'm not complaining,after last year I welcome whatever amounts of rain wish to fall on my tress & lawn) I'll add stripes or something.

:: I really dont like the spring. Can you get seasonal depression in the spring? I'm noticing a pattern. I have no concrete complaints about the spring, but every April I'm ready for a 3 month nap. With all my "feelings," stress and anxiety I've just been a big mess.

I saw this video a few months ago. But I really think I need to hear this, especially in the spring.

momma's boy

Mary is a sweet soul. Sometimes when I am taking care of her I wonder if I am making her happy, and then she will smile or look at me and say "girl!" (I think this is her recognising me).

I know watching her Mary-ness slip away is so difficult for David and Gil. Unfortunately I did not know the "Mary" Dp grew up with. Sometimes I will see a quiet, slightly nerdy, woman and ask Dp if she is like his mom. It is my way of getting to know her.

Mary is a lot of work, I won't lie. Thankfully she isn't trying to jump out of windows or rip door jams off the wall anymore. Alzheimer's is the kind of disease in which you are never stagnant, things are always changing.

She has a special bond with Dp, she trusts him, and is most of the time cooperative. (scroll down for a guest post from my very own dp) But I  have that woman's intuition which comes in quiet handy.

• I was watching Say Yes to the Dress (don't judge) and the groom dips the bride and lays a big ol kiss on her. Mary chuckled for several minutes. Isn't that funny?
• David always tries to feed her with a fork, it is messy and she rarely opens her mouth. So I suggest a spoon. Problem solved. Who ever got fed by tipping food off of a fork into a closed mouth? Yeah. No one.
• Her favorite thing to do is to slide down in her chair. You could pick her up and sit her back in the chair and 5 minutes later her back will be flat on the seat of the chair. This is not only dangerous for her but physically exhausting to lift her up repeatedly. So I put her in a camping chair. She tried her best to slide out but she couldn't! Slouch and scoot but no slipping out.
• I beam with pride at how sweet my kitties are. Mary LOVES cats. CAT is one of her words that she has left. She sees Rigby and says "Big cat!" Ha! just wait till you see Abbey. ;) Abbey was a tad afraid of her wheelchair, which is understandable, once the wheelchair was put up Abbey and Rigby both sat near her. Rigby was very sweet, I think he could be a therapy cat if he wanted to, plus he would look precious in a working vest! (an excuse to show kitten pictures)







Guest Post- DP

I have always been somewhat of a mamma's boy. I loved listening to my mom tell me stories, from King Arthur to Dune. now that her personality is slipping away I feel sad that I wont be able to share those stories with her anymore. I do, however, take joy when I see my moms personality peak out from underneath the blanket of this dementia. Whether it be her singing along with a Christmas song, or her randomly saying 'sigh' when my dad says a bad pun.

I will always be a mamma's boy I suppose...



spoke too soon

why did i post that last post?
LIFE chuckled and said oh? you are bored? muwahahahhaha

Dp got a job offer last week.
I'm sure everyone read about it on facebook before we even talked about it, can you hear the tension in that statement? (i don't think he will do that ever again) I'm such a pessimist, even with a new job I still see the uphill battle. It is 100% commission and he needs a licence (that he doesn't have) to get paid and we are still a one car family which is just so much fun.

He starts tomorrow and maybe then I will saying something sweet like "good job honey, all my cover letters really paid off!"

Leah, Miguel, B&DD came into town for their spring break.

They are giants, tall and lanky.

They are smart. Corrected me - "Cool dragon!" "That's not a dragon its a serpent." (reading box) "Oh... yeah I guess it is a serpent."

I'm in the middle of our quarter close, so I was working most nights I was there.

Wednesday we went to the rodeo. I haven't been since high school when I went with Christi to see Duran Duran and missed the Big Brother finale. That is what kind of friend Christi is, even when I tell her no you don't understand, this is the finale what if Will wins? after all that and she can convince me to go into a crowd and rely on my vhs recorder to document the finale... whew I have anxiety thinking about it. Ps Will won.
Anyway- we walked 400 miles

• in the parking lot to the shuttle
• from the shuttle around the dome to reliant stadium (it was my first time in the stadium, are you really shocked? I'm still talking about VHSs....)
• went the wrong way and walked ALL THE WAY AROUND the stadium
• found our section but there was a sleeping baby the end of our row, so we went back down, back up and were in the wrong section, back down, back up in the right section, climbed across 20 people and finally sat down.
• back to the shuttle
• back to the car
• to the bed

*did i mention i was wearing closed toed shoes?! that alone was torture.

By Thursday I had been home for sleeping only. I'm a home body so i missed my bed and my cats and my territory. But we weren't done yet.

FIL went out of town so we had Mary duty. So after work I would go home, change, feed the cats and come over to the in-laws to help dp take care of Mary. Thursday was my first meltdown. Friday night, Saturday subsequent meltdowns. Sunday dp intended to take her to church but I was physically a puddle of exhausted. So instead she came over to our house and I cleaned and did 900 loads of laundry, changed the sheets, organized....



 And now it is Monday. I take it back. I'd rather be bored....

how i met my wife

While David is looking for a job he is being a great wife. Really. He cleans, does laundry, vacuums, does trash and litter boxes.

And goes to the grocery store.

The scene is set. Let's listen in...

DP: I guess Heidi isn't doing Project Runway this season because of all her problems.
Me: Uh what problems?
DP: Her family problems.
Me: She is probably just busy with her babies and husband.
DP: Nu uh, Heidi and Seal are getting a divorce.
Me: WHAT?!
DP: Yeah, where have you been? Its all over the magazines in the checkout line.


Tomorrow he is going to tell me how much he misses OLTL and Oprah all whilst being manly and shooting terrorists in some war game thingy.

SFASP

*Optional soundtrack for today's post

I like being outside, listening to wind, and walking on gravel. (everyone loves the gravel noise right?) I would go camping twice a month if it wasn't 9,000 degrees in the summer or rain 5.5 inches in the spring.  Dp & I didn't get to camp in 2011. I've been dying to go.

Friday I notice the weather is going to be nice, so

(9:45:27 AM) Analee:  i want to go camping

(9:45:48 AM) DP: ok. Sounds good to me!

 

We looked into Brazos but they were booked, so we made reservations at Steven F. Austin SP.

 

(Saturday morning I fell after we had finished loading the car, and hurt my knees, wrist and most painful - my pride. I have my wrist wrapped, I'm telling people it is an injury from my MMA match ... with the porch.

 

Carro also is very ill, and we had to stop outside Brookshire to make sure our engine was still attached to the car. Fun. The noise is so terrible other motorists look in horror as they pass us, including motorcyclists.)

 

Just making it to the park was a triumph in my book. SFASP is great - quiet, lots of trails along the Brazos, birds, seriously clean restrooms, quiet quiet mmmm quiet.

 

               Highlights

:: dp got the tent up in record time.

:: weenie roast for lunch

:: walk along fishbone trail

:: armadillo

:: trying to cook dinner

:: camera play

:: katie dog - our 1hr foster dog
:: warm sleeping bag
:: tent smell

:: bacon bacon bacon

:: my birdies -  tufted titmouse, barn swallow, cardinal family, yellow bellied sapsucker, pileated woodpecker, robin, philadelphia vireo & 6,000 vultures

I like taking walks and living in the country is always apealing until I think no mexican food and no mam's. And I haven't picked up my camera in many months and it was good to use that part of my brain.

When we got home- ps thank God for letting us make it - the kitties squealed with excitement, I always enjoy a warm welcome. And then my wrist really started hurt.

  

make a joyful noise

Dp and I were trying to get the oven to stay on so we could cook some bacon wrapped dates. Don't we all love how trendy bacon is these days? No shame in loving you some bacon.

Mary started to get upset, which was somewhat expected for the time of day. I put on some relaxing Christmas piano music which she seemed to really enjoy. She got quiet and smiley.

Back to the oven.
Back to roasting eggplant.
Back to mashing potatoes.
Back to steaming tamales.

It started softly but grew. I looked and Dp, and he at me, and us at Mary.

She was singing.

I imagine God smiling, delighting in the joyful noise celebrating his birth, and maybe singing along.


Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise. Sing unto the LORD with the harp; with the harp, and the voice of a psalm. Psalm 98:4

i'm the taco whisperer

As previously mentioned David lost his gi benefits this semester - rude but necessary awakening occurred when I went to examine our grocery/food bill. Shocking and sickening. I even made a scary pie chart. (Not to mention we were doing some pretty substantial emotional eating over the past 6 months on top of our emotional eating problem we both developed 6 or 7 years ago on top of being chubby little eaters as kids. Yeah we are working on this.)

I'm not a good cook. I can make taco meat really well and that is about the extent of my culinary abilities. Possibly because I can't follow a recipe, I'm not a rule follower.

However, I did reduce our grocery bill to $150/mo and have made some "decent" meals.

Crockpot French Onion Soup - easy peasy and I think this was $4
Meatballs and pasta - $5 meal using 1/2lb of ground beef, homemade bread crumbs with end slices of bread
Charro Beans & Cornbread - $3 meal! booya!
Cauliflower Crust Pizza - I know you won't believe me but it was incredible; read and try for yourself if you like. SO YUMMO and inexpensive
Stuffed Zuchinni - $3 meal! (I can't get over dp eating all these veggie meals)
Crockpot Zuppa Tuscano - $5 meal. DELISH! Better than OG, less greasy and it cooked itself while I was at work a +++

There have been some stinkers, some really bad icky things. ie - gruel, white bean soup (so salty i wanted to vomit), mustard chicken, and some others...

After 2 months, I am a cook. Not a very good one, but I know I can plan meals, keep dp interested, keep the budget down and cook everyday.

It is possible.
Isn't that what we all need to know in life? Things are possible?

thankful friday

last friday was Veterans Day, and I probably should have blogged this last week but I was terribly busy with the Nutcracker market and well, I was shopping...

If your only ongoing experience with the government is paying taxes every year and the occasional speed trap, you my friend, are a lucky ducky. Working with the government is like Weekend at Bernie's, wrestling a dead body.

David has been out of the military for 4 years this December.

I met Dp the month before he went to boot camp so military was pretty much all we knew. I had this idea that if we got married and I lived where he was stationed we would see each other A LOT more, but that didn't really happen. I was so cute and naive and believed that when we were out of the military I would be freeeeeeeeeeee as a bird now. No.

• Dp was still in the IRR- individual ready reserves. He got his discharge papers this July saying he was free from being called back, really really.
• The GI college benefits they bait you with are not, NOT, easy to get.
• The GI college benefits they bait you with are not, NOT, easy to keep. Sometimes you will be in your last semester of college ever and they will say you have used up all of your benefits.

In less than a month now David will be done with school and is currently looking for a job (holla if you have leads), and since September we have been benefits free. It was an unpleasant surprise and sent us scrambling to find some way to pay for school.

(this doesn't really sound like "thankful friday" but I'm getting to it, be patient. today is also "patience friday")

I was/am so scared about how to pay for this semester, but I am so relieved to be a real civilian. We are really free from the government now. We will always be veterans, and maybe you have to be a veteran to understand all the civilian benefits that are easy to get and easy to keep.

• I have spent 3 nights away from Dp in 4 1/2 years, which is still unbelievable.
• The government doesn't own him, seriously he was property, I'm not kidding. 
• We won't get a call in the middle of Christmas dinner saying we need to get back to the boat because they pushed up his deployment and he is leaving for 9 months in 3 days. Sigh, good times.
• I have a husband to carry heavy things, kill roaches, take out the trash, fill the car up with gas, and intimidate annoying solicitors.
• If we decide to have children one day, I won't be a single parent.
• When I have an emergency and need to talk to him, I can pick up the phone and will talk to him face to face that night. Instead of -- sending an email that says "next time you are in port I REALLY need to talk to you", and 3 weeks later he would buy a calling card and stand in a 2 hour line and we'd get to talk for 15 min.
• I own a house. And will be in this house till I decide I don't want to live here anymore.
• I can be a person again, not just a Navy wife, not following David around the country, not just planning for David's trips and welcoming David home. I can have dreams again, I am important again.

There are too many things I take for granted now that he is here all the time.

I am thankful to be a civilian.

If at first you burn the kitchen down... try try again

I remember the very first meal I cooked for David. Isn't that sweet?

We had just moved into our apartment after months of living in a hotel and I decided I would make an Italian dinner for my Italian husband. I set the kitchen on fire. Ok, maybe not on fire, but the smoke alarm went off and my meatballs ended up being charcoal.

I watched David cut off the charred outside of these "mini meatballs" and discovered raw innards. He choked a couple of them down and said they weren't that bad.

It was so awful I NEVER made them again. Monday I googled "easy meatball recipe" and apparently you are supposed to bake them. Last night was meatball night for the first time in 6 years.

And they were good.


-see i don't just feed him gruel...

this is my post for july

I must write this now or it will never get done. People came back from the holiday with work on their mind and ready to work us hard. So ready for the weekend.

We've had a lot of fun this week.

Wednesday
My mom found something. More on this later.

Thursday
Scentsy party at my house. I'm pretty glad I stopped stressing and decided to buy chicken nuggets. I was happy to have people in my home. Its a little unnerving. What will people think of the way I live? My looney paint choices, and toy mice scattered across the floor? But it was good! Or maybe that was just the sangria talking.

Friday
My mom is a hero, she made so many meals. Feeding the boys and David is a full time job. We grilled fajitas. The boys still call tortillas T-tas. It is still cute.




Saturday
Leah and I had a spa morning. On a whim I decided to wax my lip. Yes. I have noticed some hair where there wasn't hair before. So, instead of stressing over something as silly as a couple of hairs, that maybe no one else can see but they bother me, I waxed them.

That was my break. I worked on a major project till 11pm but I finished and that's what counts. Some weeks really are just terrible. I said I was quitting more than 20 times.

Sunday
We went to the ball game and Minute Maid's AC needs to work a little harder. It was not cool. But it was a good game and it was the boys very first ball game.



It also happened to be my anniversary. I still don't feel like it has been 6 years. It has. For his present, I got him a firepit. And we came home, had icecream and played with fire. I can do that because I'm an adult.



Monday
I took it easy Monday morning. We just laid around with the kitties, who missed me and our special snuggle time. So I had snugglies with the littles.

Big thing at my moms, grilling, happy hour, homemade icecream... yumo.

I know nothing can be the same. But I can't imagine my family not being how it was. There has to be a new normal. Yet, my heart longs for the old times.

Newness
A week ago my mom found a tiny kitten on the front porch. We all love her. She is just the smallest thing you have ever seen.

We were calling her JoJo... when we thought she was a he. But the vet confirmed her femaleness. JoJo weighs 15oz and is 6-8wks. She loves to suck on her toe. It's pretty high on the cute scale.

What is it about a 4 day weekend that feels so good?

the good ol' days

I married a younger man. He is only a year younger than me, but occasionally I feel 25 years older.

Today he says to me-

"Those chairs are so old, my parents bought them in 1996."

Since when is 1996 a long time ago? David feels that 1996 is "a long time ago." I preceded to tell him that fairy tales begin, Long ago in a land far far away, and long ago references medieval times! 1996 was several years ago.

Later we are discussing Our Town-

I have never read it but was telling David my reference for what I do know about the play is from The Wonder Years. (remember Winnie gets the lead role?) David says

"Wow. If you still remember The Wonder Years, 1996 must not feel like a long time ago to you!"

Kids. shaking head