14 before 14 update

I've been avoiding saying it out loud.

June is fast approaching and my 14 before 14 - that I thought would be pretty easy - is embarrassing. I've done one thing, get rid of the skinny clothes. That was easy, I took 6-8 garbage bags full of clothes and a tub full of shoes, purses, belts, hats to charity.

But that is it.

I'm very sad that we will not be going to Montana. I've cried a lot about it, I'm almost starting to cry again just thinking about it. I really wanted to go and stupidly thought that if I made a public commitment then nothing could stop it. But the future knows better about itself than I do.

There is still some time left in the year for me to finish some of The 14. Although, #6,#11,#13 &#14  are pretty much off my list for good. Number 7, #9 , #1 and #3 are unlikely as well.

I wanted to not feel trapped and stuck anymore, I wanted to be like my peers that travel, and have fulfilling lives, that don't live in fear or feel smothered with responsibilities and obligations, those people that don't censor their every move because of _____, people who live THEIR lives and not the lives everyone else tells them to live. I think I wanted it too much.


I think this is the last time I make a list like this. It is far to embarrassing to admit that I failed. And incredibly depressing how little I can accomplish when I put my mind to it.

There is the update.

holiday

A nice half productive/half lazy day off from work is easy for you to achieve

 

 

Step One - A light, refreshing Mexican beer

Step Two - Cooking over an open flame & beef

Step Three - Working in the garden

Homecomings

I've experienced two official Homecomings and then so many smaller informal homecomings I can't even count.

I consider myself a veteran.
Spouses and military families sacrifice so much to support their service member. The years of service are hard, and Dp and I continue to struggle with transitioning to civilian life.

The military, no matter what level of action is seen, changes you. Training in the Navy focuses on mental strength, the ability to stay focused while on a boat for months at a time. Also, the majority of work that goes on during deployment is Top Secret or higher. I know nothing about what Dp did on his last deployment.

As a spouse, I was told by Dp's commanding officers to never talk to him about real life, only email him about positive things and never reveal any struggles from back home. This was to keep him focused. This also requires a level of independence and strength from spouses/families, and hardened me as well. I couldn't let myself miss him, if you let yourself think that it will be nine or more months before you see, smell, touch and speak with your best friend...that will tear a person apart. So I learned to shut off all those loving feelings and focus on my job, keeping him focused and healthy and doing his job. When your entire relationship is built on discipline and withholding feelings, and information, it is extremely difficult to re-learn normal. 

Our time in the military was "easy" compared to most.

This memorial day, remember the fallen. And remember the deeper and long lasting sacrifices of the military and their families. Because even after a celebratory Homecoming, some men/women can never come home, not all the way.

Thankfully, I had many Homecomings.

with my new found energy

Getting a new mattress is a life changing event.

I don't know what we were thinking waiting so long. I have a noticeable increase in energy and don't feel like crusty snot in the mornings.  It allows me to get more done when I get home from work, and this weekend I felt like a normal human being and spent most of the weekend not in bed watching Netflicks.

It is possible that the malaise I've been feeling wasn't depression or getting old, it was sleepy. 


While David was at work on Saturday, I did 40 things that have lingered on my to do list for months. When he got home I'm sure he was pretty overwhelmed with the "and then I ___" report.

• We got a treadmill that David's parents were no longer using. Nice for mosquito/oppressive heat after dinner walks and incline training.  Once we fenagled the thing into my mom's car and got it into the house we played 4,000 rounds of where is this beast going to go.

• As the years go by I get closer and closer to being a crazy cat lady. Rigby's Rx food is pretty much all fat&fiber because he can't have protein, his poor little bladder. Well because we are lazy we've been feeding both the cats this food. But Abbey has put on a little weight. So we now feed Rigby Rx food, Abbey a weight management food, and Wheels whatever I have a coupon for. Three types of food. Sigh..

• I get recipes sent to me by the AICR, and they have started a 12 Week New American Plate Challenge. Mom always talked about the NAP... I'm sure every 9 year old can tell you what vitamins are in spinach and what they do. Yay Vitamin K!(thanks mom)

Two years ago I committed to never starting a diet ever again.  I have replaced destructive coping behaviors with emotional eating and diets, food tracking and exercise programs were just a part of that negative cycle. I'm still emotional eating. At least now I am aware of it. I said that I wanted to be free from it when I turned 30, but I'm not. I'm ok with that, cause life is a process.

We are going to try the challenge, with no expectations of "weight loss" or getting "skinny." So no pressure, no obsessive counting or measure and rules or failure. See Week 1? Easy!!

Week 1: The 2/3 – 1/3 Plate Rule I will fill my plate two-thirds (2/3) or more with a combination of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans and nuts and with no more than one-third (1/3) of lean animal protein such as poultry, seafood, low-fat cheese, low-fat yogurt, or lean red meat. By the end of the week, of my 21 meals weekly, 5 or more meals will meet the 2/3-1/3 plate rule.

 

That's all.

there comes a time

In a woman's life there are milestones, markers, that signal growth and change.
First lipgloss
First boy/girl birthday party
First date

Some recent milestones:

I drank coffee. Twice! I think this means I am a grown up. David is very proud of me, and monday I brought in my coffee to work and he said "were the people at work proud of you too?"

Mattress day mattress day everyone get excited it is mattress day! Our mattress is crap. Dead. The edging on one side completely collapsed a while ago. We've been "living with it" but in the last four or five months the need for a new mattress has become immediate. I'm not sure Dp and I have had a good night's rest in ages.
When we went to Arkansas to meet Brynn Leigh, we slept on an air mattress. Best sleep in months. An air mattress.

New Mattress was an investment we couldn't put off any longer. For two hours we laid on every mattress in the store and settled on one we both liked. This evening we get New Mattress!!!

You know you've been married a long time when you start re-buying things you bought when you were first married.




Opposite end of the grown up spectrum:
I still use my baby blanket my grammy made me.
It is the perfect weight for Houston summers. And living with a blanket hog, this is my blanket that no husband can steal in the middle of the night, my back up plan.

Mom had everyone take pictures of their baby blankets grammy embroidered for her mother's day gift. These pictures of pristine blankets poured in, and then there was my sad blanket. worn. unrecognisable.

I'm 30 years old (ish) and I love this blanket. And ain't nothin' ever gonna change about that!






ps- this was my picture for grammy, blanket maybe worn but it shows how much I lurve it.