to make me ME...

In the December issue of Real Simple, ladies submitted their New Years resolutions. One said she wouldn't do anything different, because it is her flaws that make her who she is.

I do not want my life to ever be defined by my flaws, by the negative, by my mistakes and regrets. I am only 26 and to give up on myself would be... sad. I mean there is something to be said about accepting yourself for who you are, but I don't know if I will ever give up challenging myself to grow.

To Move Forward
I was given this exercise and thought it was more thought provoking that simply making new year's resolutions. It involves a 6 step process (it is much easier than it sounds).

Step 1
List your accomplishments- big and small
* I had a hard time with this step. My list is tiny, just 5 things.*
-cleaned out our storage unit and saved $120 a month for the whole year!
-let go of "skinny clothes" and broken things from the move(s)
-made my Rigby healthy
-bought MichMansion
-donated 13 inches of my hair

Step 2
List what gave you pleasure this year
*the fun part*
-twins (on my list 4 different times)
-coloring books
-Mom
-Dad
-Rigby purring
-Geochaching
-short hair
-taking pictures
-Abbey's pretty eyes and sweet cuddles
-vacation to the Hill Country
-tubing
-Christi
-Rob and Melissa (especially Mel)
-shark train!!
-a clean house
-Mexican Friday
-Grammy's chocolate ice cream
-my new Christmas tree
-working lights in my bathroom
-cardinal family in MY backyard
-blogging

Step 3
List disappointments, unfulfilled expectations, thwarted intentions, sources of displeasure
-not knowing where I am going in life
-the house buying process
-home repair decisions
-traffic
-getting sick & hurt and using all my PTO
-not seeing Christi more often
-not calling Jeni every week
-my cooking "skills"
-did not get promotion
-gained back all the weight I lost in '08
-stress
-unfinished projects around MichMansion
-bored with work and life

Step 4
Who do I need to forgive and for what
*I'll keep these private*

Step 5
Who do I need to thank and for what
-my parents are awesome friends to David and me. I love spending every Friday night with them and most weekends. They take care of us, and give us wisdom and help in every way possible. This year has been the best year with them, getting to know them and I have enjoyed them more than I can say.
-I have wonderful friends, who I am not always as good of a friend to. I am horrible about making plans and calling. But they are always there for me when I need them, can always make me laugh, make me feel better about myself and my life.
-David. He is a hard worker. I give him a hard time sometimes, but he does alot for our family. He runs errands, makes calls and takes care of my sweet kitties.

Step 6
Any last thoughts about 2009
-this was a big, stressful year for me and David. I really believe 2010 is going to be a smoother, less stressful year. And I really want to spring clean my life. I want to start new this year. Too long have I been struggling, it is time for renewal.

And there you have it, the abridged version. Some thoughts for the New Year...

1919...

Ninety years ago my sweet (and sassy) MeeMaw was born.

She wasn't born in a hospital.

The house she was born in didn't have electricity.

And she never had a birthday party! Ever!

Until her 90th birthday!

Saturday was MeeMaw's birthday, and she would have been happy to simply let it go unnoticed with a quiet family get together as we usually do. But seriously? Ninety? So my parents and aunts and uncle planned a little party for MeeMaw and her friends.

We all got up early Saturday and headed over to move furniture and work on "the flow." (word of the day) All the little ladies from her bible class came over about 11am. The family got together after the birthday party for a family lunch of fajitas... mmmmm.

It was such a happy day. But I found myself tearing up (I am doing it right now too). I missed my PawPaw, I wished he could be here, that David could have met him, that he could have seen the twins. So I tried to get off that line of thinking and then we started taking pictures, and seeing MeeMaw with the twins just touched me. I am so thankful for her, I am so thankful she is healthy and a firecracker. I would love for MeeMaw to be around another ninety years.

Ok. Happy thoughts. Happy thoughts.

Precious right?

** It was sunny this weekend!! ahhh! So the kitties took advantage....

And so did I. I am learning photography, on a film using camera. This is challenging to me, more than I thought I would. I want that instant gratification of seeing the shot right away. We went to the park and took some photographs.

My first assignment was bracketing- taking the same shot 3 or more different times to see which settings are right. I got some pretty good shots, some that I would like to get digitized.

I still have lots to learn, but I love doing it. This isn't something that comes natural to me, grumble. But the feel of the camera in my hands is nice, and I really like looking at the world a different way.

In someways that is what writing is to me, showing the world in a different point of view.

it feels like years since its been here...

SUN!
We have sun today! I am doing a little dance! It is just what I needed.

I was so down this week, and stressed. And last night finally feel like we made some progress... and kinda did a little retail therapy, and had a great meal.

*Presents- check

*New cardigans for me- check (I wear cardigans almost everyday of the week and I wear them down to pilly, faded, shrunken disasters. I always need more cardigans.) Thank you BananaPet.

*Pronto- tried it for the first time and I really liked it. (and I dont really care for italian food. I know. Ironic.)


Per my wise mother, who supports me daily...

“Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It's not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it's when you've had everything to do, and you've done it.”

Margaret Thatcher

And I do. Getting some things off my list made me feel supremely satisfied and has cleared the fog (LITERALLY!) to let in my holiday cheer!!

never say never...

It's never to cold for

:: icecream. And thankfully Bluebell agrees and we get peppermint this time of year!

:: flipflops. I did in fact run around town the snow day with my flips.

:: heat in the car to be on in the dashvents. Heat is for feet, floor vents only please!

But I would like to have a little word about our weather pattern lately. Gloomy much? It puts me in THE Worst Mood Ever.

I know what would put me in a good mood... balloon ride! I am dying to go on the balloon ride in Discovery Green. I seriously contemplated taking this Friday off to go ride it when the tickets are cheaper... sad.

I am behind on Christmas shopping. So so behind. Tonight and tomorrow night afterwork David and I are going to finish our shopping. I guess everyone realises a week from today is Christmas Eve Eve, it's coming fast this year.

David is done with school for the semester. He is free from now till January 19th! So he is going to be working on MichMansion non stop, as part of my Christmas present and our goal to finish some projects before the New Year.

and I will conquer the world...

This Bird Can Sing

It is not much of a secret that my job is not a career I set out looking for. I am indeed happy for a job when many are without. And yet there is a quiet sadness that I am not following my heart towards a creative path.

However, after some encouragement I have signed up to take a fiction writing workshop with Inprint. It will begin after the first of the year. I will be expected to turn in pieces throughout the 10 week workshop, so I am going to spend the next couple of months brainstorming.

I have been asked where I get inspiration. I don't know. I am always writing. (I really hope this doesn't sound skitzophrenic) My mind is always writing, 100% of the time. I leave a dictaphone in my car to catch little poems or starts to stories that seep out while driving.

True magic just happens. I have a little orchestra in my head, we file into the concert hall. I, the conductor, tap tap tap at the music stand. We, the musicians, take a soft deep breathe in... With a swift falling gloved hand --blowing of horns, singing of strings, beating of drums begin all at once! And I the conductor take my pen and jot it down. Ok sometimes it is just noise, yet others are beautiful, spontaneous and free pieces of art. That is what it is like in my head, um somewhat metaphorically, hopefully this doesn't sound like I hear voices.
If I can corral the noise, I can hear art.

Readers!

If you love reading, you have to read Larry McMurtry's Walter Benjamin at the Dairy Queen. Even if you don't like westerns at all. If you are from Texas, or ever had the dream of having a library with floor to ceiling books and one of those library ladders... it will impress you. He talks about his life, but also his love for reading and books, and it changed the way I saw reading.

A few months ago I mentioned I wanted to finish a book. I was unable to quiet my mind enough. I really think (here goes the crazy again) the devil was trying to suppress my happiness. But last week I read my book.
The Road- Cormac McCarthy

It has been called his most accessible book, and I agree. It was very easy to read. It would be a great start into Cormac's style which can be difficult to get used to. I've had it for years now, just waiting to read it. It was special, as Cormac seems to be.

Now I am working on

The Harafish- Naguib Mahfouz

Review to come...

I apologize for the self indulgent last two posts.

give me 26 soldiers of lead...

My Path to the Pen

(or keyboard)

I have something in me. An idea or a feeling or hope. I am a writer. It isn't something you grow up to be, not a profession. You are born a writer. I was born a writer.

I did not love books from the time I was born. In fact I actually hated to read and my mother would make me read to her just to get me to read for school. I don't know why, that seems strange to me now. (It was dormant.) However in the 2nd grade when asked what I wanted to be "when I grow up" I (in)famously said "A poetess." It was in me even then.

The first book I really read, like really read and felt my pulse race and eyes widen and got excited about, was in 9th grade. I'm a late bloomer. Lonesome Dove. This is humorous that I could go from hating to read to choosing to read a 1000+ page book. But it stirred and woke the something in me. I became changed by this book, characters died (sorry to ruin it) and there were flawed heros. That blew my mind. Up to then I was "reading" The Baby Sitters Club. The Hardy Boys and The Boxcar Children.

It only took me a moment to decide I had to write, I wanted to be a writer. It took reading Cormac McCarthy. His words, his style... I mean he didn't accept grammatical rules, he just wrote and chose words gracefully and so particular.

Ok, I could really go overboard here, but basically somewhere along the way, special writing courses in high school and college I knew that I was already a writer.

Part 2...

you know the feeling...

Last week was a sucky week. (so sucky that no other word can describe it other than sucky)

lowlights:

Stupid headaches. I found my secret cure to my headaches, Bendaryl. Magic relief for me. At work I am trying to combat drugged with caffeine iv which equals = looney. (ie trying to drink from a stapler...)

I burnt my hand. (eyeroll) I have never been scalded before and hope to never be scalded ever again. Thanks to David's first aid training, no blister as of yet.
Western Washington? My old nemesis? Has Houston been the most gloomy city in the world lately or what? Dear Sun, It's me Analee. Come Back.
Ok, so maybe it doesn't sound sucky on paper. But it was.
Midtone
I also planned a baby shower for my friend Melissa at work. It was on Friday, the snow day. Thursday night I was trying to bake brownies and cupcakes with my wounded hand. It was the blind leading the blind trying to get David to frost cupcakes. (men and women think differently...)
Luckily I had finished my diaper cake on Wednesday night. I think for the budget I was allotted it turned out fairly cute.

This week is shaping up to follow suit...
The dreaded party is this week. Thursday I work 730am- 9..10pm... who knows. sigh
Wouldn't it be nice for my big monthly project to be due on the same day as this party? Lovely.
Gloom. The gloom is still here. I need Vitamin D or I am going to be grumpy forever.

Snow Day

Friday was a bright spot. I got to leave early because of the snow.

blogarrhea...

I don't have a cute thanksgiving post with pictures. It came so fast, I am way too behind for cute thanksgiving posts.

Stray away
We have a stray cat in the neighborhood that has been spraying our door. A couple weekends ago we washed the whole door in vinegar, inside and out. I read that citrus deters sprayers, so we used orange glow (yet again the previous owner has provided supplies for MichMansion) on the porch. So far so good. Any other tips?

Gettin' nothin' but static
Apparently I need Houston humidity. On the car ride to Dallas my hair went wild with static; sticking out in all directions. The solution was sad and embarrassing... David rubbed his hands though his greese-ball hair and gave me some. With that and a hairband I survived my T-Day meal 'without' static hair. :/

Pygmy Elephants
After a year and a half of discussion over what was hit on a long drive from Abilene to Kansas David finally agrees that it was not a raccoon. I mean it was huge. We think it was a coyote. We saw one running along the road on Highway 6 on Thursday. (another suggestion was pygmy elephants... I'm still guessing no)

Merry and Bright
My Grinch let me decorate this weekend. I have been previously allowed the tiniest of Nutcrackers to sit on my bedside table... taunting me. He is serious by the way. A for real Grinch. Something about a traumatic experience...

We put together our brand new tree black friday gave us, we went artificial. (spare me. real is better. fake is easy.) Our first ornament on the tree this year is my new one I got at the Nutcracker Market several weeks ago. I know. It is so cute.
Here is my precious new Nutcracker from the NM. He reminds me of Mr. Peppermint. Anyone ever watch him? wiki -for your continuing education or nostalgic reminiscing.

Yes the hat is the best part.

Last one, of my dining table, new light fixture and square place mats. This is a plea, if you see square placemats let me know. They are so so hard to find and are usually wooden and $20 a piece... that is too much btw. I got these gold ones last year on clearance and I LOVE THEM.


We're gonna party
Things are crazy at work preparing for our big holiday party. That would be some of the explanation for my lack of blogging and...

Punch it
David and I have made a punch list for the house. I have a big giant list of things I want done before the new year. So MichMansion will start the year off right. Hoping to have before and afters as a New Year's treat!!

ok done.

just today...

almost a month ago, a tuesday passed without notice for me. a date that has been quiet and gray. i forgot Juni's Day.

several weeks ago when i noticed the day had come and gone i felt a sinking shameful feeling. i was never going to forget, i was never going to be right again. maybe it is not shameful but a step forward.

as a child i believed clouds would feel like cotton candy or cotton balls. i can remember thinking i could open an airplane window and pet a cloud. but one flight i was crushed to see that a cloud is just air, and we passed through it uneventfully, and even if i could open an airplane window, the cloud would slip into the spaces between my fingers. this date in october is alot like that. i believed that losing Juni was the deepest cut, but it was just the final straw. and in mourning the loss of Juni i was really morning the loss of myself. i had gone from cotton candy to mist and air.

for five years i have been spinning and trying to take a shadowy hallow and refill her with myself... whoever that was now. but it took 21 years to build the last one and how would i start again? i don't believe there is a reason for everything or what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. life is some horrible, funny, joyful and painful thing. and being thankful for each day was hard when i didn't want another. but each day comes, like the one before it. the 'lesson' i have learned i would gladly trade in for my old self, my old future.

but indeed there is some lesson in all of this...
i know that i can not go back nor look back. i can only trudge forward and hope that the next crooked highway is filled with sunshine and less heartache.

when i wake up tomorrow it will be just that-- tomorrow. the day after today.

finding the Culture Map...

This is dedicated to my Houston readership out there and those that would consider themselves Houstonians at heart...

Check out this new website:

Culture Map Houston


It is full of great info on what is hot in Houston-- Arts, Food, City Life, Real Estate, and more. Its interface (mapazine) is young, hip and informative.

Linking you to this great article...

Houston is Too Cool

Enjoy!!

my squares...

I have been struggling with a color for the bedroom. My ideas for the rest of the house came pretty easily.

Yet I have been agonising over the bedroom, as you can see by my wall of Mondrian squares. Sometimes I just lie in bed staring at the wall, my squares.

This weekend David and I finally decided on a color. It is the second from the bottom in the far left column. I am happy with it and looking forward to painting over my wall of squares.

Last week was a rough week.

I am weary of feeling discouraged and it seems that recently I am only met with opposition. Staying positive is also a struggle, finding peace in a week where there is no comfort, finding quite when my mind can't see one color on the wall- just a haphazard jumble of gray and dissapointment.

But the desire to be positive is ever present in my mind, even though there was a cheese fry incident on tuesday.

My happy thoughts (although without my fairy dust I do not take flight)

-> GI Bill money came in... hence the paint. Finally.

I dont' even want to talk about them anymore.

-> The Boys are coming to see us soon!! Can't wait. Dying to hear them talking.

-> No boxes in the bedroom... officially!! 1 room down.

-> Going to the Nutcracker Market! Going to the Nutcracker Market! Going to the Nutcracker Market! Going to the Nutcracker Market!!!

there's close enough and there's too far...

i wish life was like price is right--
closest without going over

even if you miss the mark you can still win


maybe i can bring this up with God... $1 God, $1...

under the covers...

We sleep without a comforter or blankets.

It sounds weird but
(a) I am married to a blanket hog.
(b) Said blanket hog is a radiator at night.
(c) He also kicks the sheets off the bed and then kitties sit and anchor blankets.

So I gave up a long time ago. We have a sheet and my personal tiny blanket "Itty Bitty Blanket" my Grammy made for me when I was little. No one else can use "Itty Bitty Blanket."

But since fall has arrive, we have brought out our down comforter. It is fluffy and warm and everything I wish our bed felt like daily.

I am thinking about my bed, I wish I were there right now, sleeping....

This morning Buttons was wild. I will have to record his 'wild' sound. It is very glottal and roar-like. Imagine a walrus lion under water "Roar-gurgle gurgle-Roar!"
Anyhoo, he was running and sliding about the halls and he hopped onto the bed. It was immediate. He stopped, felt the fluffy covers and fell asleep. What is in this thing? Poppies?!

I am officially declaring today a holiday. Lets all go home early cuddle with our cuddle bugs, and enjoy a day in our fluffy beds!

Ready? Go!

a spoonful of sugar...

Unfortunately I am not one of the many to get to see Mary Poppins (the broadway show- to clarify um yes i love the movie silly). I am sure it isn't as wonderful as I imagine anyways... :(

No, sometimes we need a spoonful of sugar to help us get through the day. And judging by me splitting my pants yesterday, (mortified. don't know how it happened. i swear they aren't that tight) I need a little less real sugar.

I thought I might share some links of 'sugar' I like to sample to help a bad/boring/pants-splitting day a little bit better.

Shall we begin?

Cake Wrecks- When professional cakes go horribly wrong.

I know you are thinking how funny could this be. Seriously enjoyable people. And the writer of the blog has funny captions.

LOL Cats

Everyone loves kittens. Especially kittens that say and do funny stuff.

People of Walmart

We all know how strange Walmart can be. This website has real pictures from Walmart. It is incredible.

Hope my 'sugar' gives you a smile too.

ketchup...

Have you felt it?

Have you noticed it is fall?

Have you realised how fast time is moving?

Seriously, two months till Christmas.

Right about this time things get so busy around the office, and in life. So let me see if I have anything to report.

:: MichMansion

Still waiting on GI Bill money to come in so we can finish... well anything. We did try to hang our own light fixture in the dining room. It works. It is not level, and I will be honest there is an argument in our house about whether to swag or not. Really looking forward to being able to buy more paint to finish painting, and hire the electrician to fix our bathroom light (still using a lamp). Our list is so long.

We finally got rid of our old bathtub and other such junk. thank you heavy trash pick up!

:: GI Bill

I guess since I just mentioned it I could say a little something more. No, they have not paid David's tuition. It has been 11 weeks when the waiting period is 6-8 wks. And they have lost David's paperwork twice, yes twice, emphatically denying they have received it. This is nuts considering one day we call they are processing our payment, then the server crashes, they get Columbus Day off (WHAT? oh yeah workin' overtime alright) and then our paperwork is missing. Sure. Sure VA we didn't send it in. grrrrrrr

Ok. I'm done.

::Fun Stuff

It wasn't even last weekend, it was two weekends ok, I am behind. My company had an employee day at the Downtown Aquarium. We got all the attractions for $5! And I could bring as many people as I wanted. So Christi's birthday was Oct. 1st, I said I was behind, so we brought her as a birthday present.

First we met Melissa, her mom and her grandma at Zoe's for lunch. Sheesh I love this place. I just can't stand it.

Then on to $5 fun.

We went through the aquarium first. I was really impressed with how big it was.

There was also a tank where you could pet sharks and sting rays. It was a little intimidating at first. The rays were so excited they try to climb out of their tank! ps- linking to Melissa's blog and some of her awesome pics! Basically if you see *great pictures* they are hers.

Also there was a bubble you could crawl into to see the rays from underneath. Oh yeah. I totally crawled on the ground.
They even have 2 white tigers. One of them saw Christi and charged the glass. We were asked to back away and not look at him anymore. She must look pretty tasty.

So then the main event for me, The Shark Train! You can ride their train through a shark tank tunnel. Me and Christi got to be in the caboose! And I don't want to ruin it for you guys out there, but it was maybe the most fun of my life. Cheese-tastic!
I was laughing so hard I nearly peed my pants. Seriously. Melissa may think twice about bring me and Christi anywhere funny, we are notorious for being the loudest laughers in a room.

We rounded out the day with the Ferris Wheel, I watch it everyday at lunch I just had to do it. Ok warning, it is FAST! And finished up on the Carousel. Too much fun. Too much.


There you go. Your ketchup.

calling me...

I answer calls.
I get some pretty weird ones.

Last week...
Caller: I am from 'our company' office in Denver. Mr. So-and-so is in town staying at the Marriott in Sugarland. But there are two, which one is he at?
Me: I am sorry. I am not sure what you need from me.
Caller: I just need to know which one he is staying at.
Me: uhhhhh I'm sorr-
Caller: Whatever.
*click*

I still don't get it. Did she think she was calling the hotel? Or maybe in Denver they keep track of itineraries from other offices. (oh and I shortened that representation of the call, she asked maybe 5 times what hotel he was at)

Today...
Caller: May I speak with Mr. So-and-so?
Me: I am sorry. He is no longer with the company.
Caller: Are you sure?
Me: Yes. He left a year ago.
Caller: Oh has he left the company?
Me: Yes...
Caller: Thank you. Goodbye.

Hmmmm. I kinda just said that...


And my all time favorite that I get about once every couple months, but this one was my particular favorite.

Caller: Yes. May I speak with Mr. (the name of my company)
Me: There is no such person here, that is the name of our company.
Caller: No it isn't! I know him and I would like to speak with him.
Me: I'm sorry. He is the name sake of our company and has been dead for quite some time now.
Caller: Are you sure he is dead?
Me: Whether he is or isn't, he isn't in this office so please have a nice day.
*click*

He really isn't dead we are just told to say that, but since you know him... The company was founded in London in 1773... I am pretty sure he is dead. Sheesh what telemarketers will say to get a sale.


Of course I love the angry calls and by love I mean I don't;

people asking if there are any 'real people' in the office today... (I guess I am not real enough);

are you sure seems to be a common question... yes. yes I am sure;

and lastly the evil telemarketers who just never listen, we are not interested, do I make the decisions about what kind of coffee we buy?... um yes, whatever it takes to get you to hang up.

Out came the sun...

I haven't been myself this week. I even wrote a blog on Wednesday but it was so incoherent I took it down.

:: Evil demon headache was back. But today, possibly because of the giant storm last night, I feel better.
Thank you rain.

:: Last week was my Daddy's birthday. We had the party at MichMansion! I was totally ok with the idea once I decided that there was just no way it was going to look nice. It is still a bit of a disaster, ok a big disaster. No one project is finished. But I accept it.

"happy birthday to you!"

We sat on MichMansion's porch and opened presents. It was seriously nice out.

MeeMaw, Elissa, Kay, Susan

Kay made Daddy a memory book of our family's history.

It has old letters. Real old. Like 1800's old.

Mom made me flower pots for the party. and YES my yellow door!!! I love it!

 

She is so good at making interesting combinations.

And even picked Lantana to match my door, she didn't know she was but she did!

:: We are slowly, I repeat s-l-o-w-l-y, working on MichMansion.  I think we got burnt out on painting and struggling to make headway. I am feeling renewed and rejuvenated and ready to start up again. Also, funds... are less than plentiful right now, causing projects to stall.

:: I am sure you all have read about the VA and the GIBill debale. I don't really feel like saying too much about it, it is pretty frustrating. But I will say this:

We have not gotten paid.

We are not alone.

The VA has been disorganized and needlessly unprepared. The only thing we hear from them is 'processing'.

David hasn't been kicked out due to unpaid tuition, and I will not let that happen. It is sickening that schools would do this to some of the Veterans, who went to school because they were promised tuition. Unbelievable. Ok. Done.

:: When will Rigby not be afraid of lightning?  Poor thing was so scared last night. But it woke me up too, so I can't blame him.

However, today is gorgeous and David has the windows open for the little ones. They are curiously sniffing the fall air.

:: I wanted to wait to share this but I just can't wait. As their house warming present to us, David's parents are helping us buy a new couch, and then we will give our 'old' couch to them.  It is on order and will be ready hopefully in 12 wks... possibly sooner!

It is the right couch for David and me. My feet touch the floor and David doesn't have to heave himself out, and the arms are low enough for me to actually use.  We made MichMansion's bathroom DP sized and I feel like a hobbit, we just had to have something AM sized.

It is this one, but without the L section, and in a custom fabric so the kitties aren't tempted to scratch.

Also, I think I am going to be best friends with our salesman. He helped us find this couch in August and he was there last night. It is weird when you just connect with people. The three of us were just having a great time. (I even picked the same fabric as him, when he bought his couch earlier this week) Kenneth, DP and I really want to hang out. You have our number & address. :)

Ok. I am just going to stop now.

Have a great weekend!

b-word...

B-O-R-E-D

Everyday I sit at the computer for 9 hours. I stare at Excel. That is my existence. (glamorous. :/)

Here it is a weekend, with all the freedom in the world, Houston is my oyster (what does that mean anyway) and I bored, and drawn to sit at the computer. Ironic.


In response to my drab mood lately I can only say this:
I am destined for something. Not sure what. But I know that mediocrity is not what my life is to be about.
And I am not full of myself, maybe a dreamer (guilty).
As of right now, my life is average... possibly a little less and hence my unsettled feelings. But it seems as though there is a whole world of average people, and some embrace it. Seen here- http://mylifeisaverage.com/index.php

MY CHOICE-

to accept a life, still worth living, just less 'special'

OR

follow my heart, where ever it takes me, as I promised myself I would at age 8 on the swing set. I said to myself, I will reach the sky, I can touch the stars with my toes...

one of these things is not like the other...

One of these things does not belong.

I seem to be in a weird place in life. David and I have been married for 4 years, but we still feel like newlyweds. We are 26 and 25 and David is in school, with 18 year-olds. When practically everyone I know is having babies, we aren't ready, not even close. The people I know who aren't parents are single or just got married. I have a job, not a career and my peers are already making a dent in their 'life's work.'

We don't know where we fit in. (As if that is obtainable.) I have never really felt like I fit in anywhere. High school and college and Navy life... I always felt like I was ... different. I stick out. Why must my path be so crooked?

I no longer feel adrift waiting for rescue. I see myself as the mule in the stable full of horses. I am not so much concerned with where I go from here, it is likely this will be the norm for the immediate future. It is more troubling to me that we got out of the Navy in search of a normal life and we feel more isolated/bizarre/square peg in civilian life.

I have Sneech syndrome.

I want my star.

I want my frankfurter roast.

ps- how many metaphors can I cram into one blog?

My Rum Tum Tugger...

"I like to lie in the bureau drawer"

Needless to say, my baby is back to "normal."

wednesday is the new monday...

Where should we put our sign..... I know! In front of a dead tree!!!

Abbey loves the sunroom.

'Me and my collar'

rate the date...

My Labor Day Mini-vacation

Friday
:: I got off work at 2pm. Lucky. And met Leah and Michael and the boys and the new house.
:: Drove to San Antonio. As we were approaching it started to rain. By the time we reached our restaurant the streets were rivers. 'Someone' convinced me it was no biggie to wade in calf deep water to to restaurant. :/ My pants were soaked.

:: La Fonda
David- B+
Analee- B-
I am sorry La Fonda. They put us in the coldest table possible, I know I looked like a wet cat, our waiter was more annoying than I thought possible, and my enchilada was overcooked.
:: Traveled to New Braunfels.

:: La Quinta
David- B-
Analee- C-
Worst hotel experience almost ever. Loud, smelly kids, who ran through the halls uh like at 1030. Go to bed. And we got put in the handicap accessible room. With a view of a gross hotel and a wall of a building. Nice. Free breakfast was ok, but people get a hold of your children. seriously? you let a 6 yr old make his own waffles and stick his finger in someone else's waffle mix?! Gross.

Saturday
:: Woke up early and went tubing on the Comal. Had the river mostly to ourselves and the weather was awesome. Ridiculously relaxing.
:: Tubing
David- A
Analee- B
That first shoot was terrifying. I am not going to lie, got sucked into a vortex.

:: Went to lunch at this place I found in the center of town; this great little cafe with local art on the walls and REALLY great food. They renovated a small grouping of historical houses in an alley by the railroad tracks. They used one house for the restaurant and the others are little boutiques.

:: Huisache-California Sandwich, Grilled Chicken Sandwich, Chicken Tortilla Soup
David- A
Analee- A

:: After lunch we walked to Naegelin's. Can't miss it if you are in the hill country.
:: Then we went to a park on the river, parked in the shade and attempted to read. Ok. So maybe I need a week long vacation. I still couldn't quiet my mind enough to read. But at least I sat still.
:: We went back to our hotel and took a nap. No judging.

:: Gristmill for dinner. David had never been (gasp) Steak, onion rings, strawberry shortcake.
David- A
Analee- A+
If there is strawberry shortcake in heaven, which I am very sure there will be, it will be this strawberry shortcake. Always, always the very best. I could have bathed in the whipped cream and eaten my 'bath' water. Dear God, thank you for allowing me to have the most delicious strawberry ever created. Really? For me? It was so so so good. It was worth all the pain afterwards.
:: After dinner we got in the hot tub. David drove two college girls away with his talking. He is that guy. And I 'swam' a few 'laps' in the pool.


Sunday
:: Got up. Had another free breakfast (finger in waffle mix incident). And split.
:: Went to the outlet malls in San Marcos... how can you not? I got 2 cardigans for a total of 25 bucks and a emerald green blouse for 8 bucks- Banana Outlet you are my friend.

:: We had lunch at the River Pub.
David- B
Analee- B-
Food was good. Wait was long, and not super service. It makes a difference to me. Sorry.
:: We headed back to Houston.
:: I'll admit it. We stopped at the Buc-cee's Luling. The whole way on Friday I am like what is up with this Buc-cee's? What is so special. But I had to have dippin'dots and try their jerky.
:: Buc-cee's
David- A
Analee- B+
How do you give a gas station an A? Ok, but it was bigger than any Buc-cee's I had seen before. The jerky was good and the check out line was very efficient.


Of course we came home to a sick kitten but Saturday was a great day. I can't wait to go back.

once there was a way to get back homeward...

He is home! And even better, he is back.

When we brought him home the last time he was feeling bad, cause he had surgery, duh. But we brought him home last night and he was like my normal kitten!!

Rigby had been leaking urine into his abdomen and that made him really sick. When I saw him not lift his head on Monday I just knew he was really sick.

But he is back and doing pretty darn good.

:: He got into his hamper!

:: He napped on the couch last night with me. And purred louder than I have ever heard him purr EVER! (even louder when he saw Abbs)

:: He has tried to scale boxes to get on the counter to eat watermelon... only my baby Buttons.

He still has his big scar, his shaved arms, and an e-collar. :( He doesn't mind it too much, he is such a trooper. It is kinda sad but Rigby makes it work. He is just simply the cutest little man ever.

Sorry for the fuzzy pictures. He moves a lot now! Happy to be free from his cage! In the first picture, he is eying a piece of watermelon, no lie.

ps- Abbey report. She is doing well and ..... dealing with Rigby. He smells funny and looks funny. She slept with us last night and was playing with Teenie Sardinie this morning so it can't be that awful. As long as he doesn't look at her. She has been the best through all this, and really taking care of me.

grinding down...

"Life is like a grindstone--whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you're made of."

Yesterday I anticipated writing a fun blog about our minication to the hill country. Instead, I don't even want to acknowledge it happened. I regret ever minute of it. I mean it was really relaxing and I had a good time.

Rigby took a turn for the worse on Sunday. He is at the hospital again, fighting really hard.

I regret leaving him and not noticing his decline.

And I regret spending that money on myself. I don't know how we are going to pay for these vet bills.

I do not feel like I am being polished.

the darling of God's creatures...

So we have moved in. It has almost been a week since we have been living at the house, well... almost all of us.

It was a pretty smooth transition, the kitties were ready to explore right away. But then Rigby started acting funny. He would sit in his box and shake.

--A little side note here. Men of the world, women are freaky intuitive. We just are. We know when stuff is about to happen. It may annoy you that I can see the future. But please listen. Especially when my little ones are involved. --

Anyway. Saturday morning I couldn't be told it was nerves any longer, I knew he was sick. So we rushed him to the vet. He had a urinary blockage again. They whisked him back into and put in an iv and started to unblock him. The vet called us later that day and said he needed surgery.

Rigby came home Tuesday afternoon. He is doing alright. He looks like a poodle with his shaved arms and fluffy paws. He is uncomfortable, but ate last night, it felt so good to see him interested in food!

Rigby tends to have emergencies when I move.

From Washington to Houston- he broke his leg

From Houston to Abilene- he escaped through a hole in the sheetrock.

Apartment to MichMansion- urinary blockage

Not to mention the non move related emergencies, like the thyroid disorder and the first blockage. The vet says Buttons is unique. :D That he is.

So have we unpacked at all?
No.
Have we gotten a light in the bathroom?
No.
Have we finished painting our front door?
No.
Hooked up the laundry?
No.
Gone to the store?
No.
Hung blinds?
ummmm No.

It is craziness but at least the timeline of getting out of the apartment is off our backs.

I am very excited for my minication- thank you labor day. My goal is to finish a book.

i get real, really really...

I don't know. Maybe there are some perfect people out there, and maybe they have perfect husbands, great spiritual lives and all that. That isn't me.

I eat junk food.
I rotate the same two pairs of pants every week. Yes. Two.
I do not return voice mails.
I am pretty sure I have social anxiety.
I don't exercise.
David and I have fights, big ones and definitely still working on a happy marriage.
I have so many regrets about my past. I am holding on.
I spend most weekends in bed.
I would rather hang out with the kitties than people.
I haven't been to church in several months.
David annoys me sometimes.
I am moody and emotional and a brat.
I haven't cooked in 2 or 3 months. Possibly more.
I haven't been to the dentist in ages... ages.
I hate attention and hugging is weird for me.
I love tv and haven't read a book in 2 years.
I don't want children.
I don't know who I am.

I enjoy blogstalking/bloghopping. It is people watching at its most intimate. But sometimes I wonder what is real. No one ever talks about stumbles in their faith, only their triumphs; they rarely talk about bad days or issues with weight or husbands or that they can't stand their kids. Surely everyone has these issues. I guess blogging isn't the forum to expose your dirty laundry. I do realise I shouldn't compare myself to the blogs I read.

Or maybe life is that good, simple and pure for the lucky.

Special Sneak Preview...

--Updates--

:: We have a toilet. (how often does one read that sentence?) So we have a livable house now. Our stuff got moved on Saturday. (Best movers ever btw) We have cable/internet and our security system and new locks. Pretty much everything I needed to move in.

:: The actual move in is coming, soon. I don't even believe it. David and I pulled up all the brown paper protecting the floors. he he he best part so far

I am hoping to get my official "after" pictures soon. But until then...

The kitties stayed in our bathroom while the movers were packing up. And are enjoying the empty apt.

We painted the floor in our sunroom. Against the suggestions of the hardware store guys. Wait, what? Is it my house? Yes! I can do whatever I want!

My entry way. My one bold color. Citron. I think it is awesome.

A little peak at the new kitchen floors. Black slate. And yes we have cabinet doors.

one man's packing supplies...

is another cats treasure...





Rigby found more paper. Pure joy.

up and down and all around...

Life is a roller coaster. (I think that could be a blog just on its own. no more is needed.)

MichMansion
:: Ups and downs- just when I am getting good feelings about something, we come back down. Everything is taking more than I anticipated, more coats of paint, more money, more time, more labor.

:: I know I am not ready for children. I know this for 2 reasons, mom and dad. They give so much to me and David. The sacrifices and work they have put forth just so I have a nice place to live. Do I deserve all this? I mean wow, they love me, they blow me away. I know I don't have that to give to a little person.

:: Work is almost complete on the bathroom, which will mean we can move in! A month almost to the day from when we funded. Not everything will be done but I am just ready to have one home.

:: * We have a stray visitor... a black and white kitty. It is curious about the goings on at MichMansion. I have yet to meet it, but David sees him, usually around 9am.

Other Stuff- as if there is there any
:: I have told the kitties about the move. They are prepared... maybe.

:: David starts school on Monday again. He is done with his core and will be taking all business classes from now on. Although, these two weeks with him not in school have been nice. He runs all my errands. The kid got Fridays off AGAIN! How does he do that?! So jealous.

:: I am learning photography. My friend from work (that sounds insufficient, cause she is so much more than that, she keeps me sane at work, I basically show up to hang out with her.), Melissa, is letting me borrow her old film SLR and lenses. For my birthday she made me this awesome notebook, with lessons and tips!! I have always wanted to be a photog, ever since Leah did it in high school... still trying to be just like her.
I know that I don't have a talent for it. I don't care. My job doesn't tap into my need to be creative. So I have decided to explore my creativity outside of work. So maybe I won't be a artist but I enjoy watercolors and pastels. Maybe I won't be a good photographer, but I enjoy the hunt for a great shot. Maybe I won't be a writer, good or bad, but at least I could release some of the images and lines and poems that constantly stream through my thoughts and clog my brain. I really think I will be happier pursuing some of these things.

:: Health update. Not good. We'll leave it at that.

:: Mini-cation! I am saying it on the blog so we are forced to do it. I can't take another minute. Labor Day weekend we are going to the Hill Country for a couple of days. Nothing special. I think just the La Quinta- I mean free breakfast? that works for David. I need it.


And that is about it.