How strange

How strange it is to be anything at all. —Alice


It is silliness to try and plot the points of your life.  Paths wind and bend and turn back onto themselves.

The last few months have been strange.
I quit my new job
David quit his job
David got a new job
I'm unemployed... by choice, sort of

I quit my job because it just wasn't a good fit, which sounds like an interview answer but is the truth. I could have stayed and been miserable for probably a year and kept a responsible looking resume but really what is the point of that?

During the week I was contemplating quitting David had a networking meeting, liked the guy and stumbled into an interview. I quit and a day later David accepted a new job. We were quiet and just listened and felt like this is where we were being guided.

So, what's been going on since February?
Well when you wait your whole life for something and you get it and it isn't what you wanted and you are so so tired and don't have healthcare and don't know how you will pay for car repairs and sit alone in the house where thoughts aren't drowned out my coworkers and work calls...

Things, feelings, crept up on me I wasn't expecting. I slipped. Found myself dealing, again, with depression and anxiety leading me to an unhealthy place.

Right now the best thing for me is to take care of myself and figure out what I want and practicing a little (LOT) of self-care. So I'm not working. And not listening to my inner voice telling me I am lazy, meditating to the idea of freedom - flying in a light blue sky, the kind with wispy brushed clouds - practicing yoga, slowly pealing back some protective layers and trying to remember what Analee used to want and like and laugh about.


It is a wonder how anything happens. Big things and small things are all equal parts random and fate.

it's my world and all you people are just livin in it

I might be 30, own my home, work in a high profile industry, manage a house and a family.

But my husband tucks me into bed every night.

Confession #5
While I am getting ready for bed he straightens the sheets, removes all the crummies and specs of poky things that always find their way into the bed, and fluffs my our pillows. (I just realized I'm sounding like a spoiled brat)

Then I fling myself into bed
sometimes a dramatic gone-with-the-wind-flop
sometimes a bouncy hop
sometimes a half asleep shuffle
sometimes I carefully insert myself next to a sleeping cat or two

He pulls the sheet up to my chin and throws my blanket it the air, cracking it like a whip as it slowly floats back down and to lay perfectly on my arms.

If I am feeling silly I will request a "Mummy"
and he tucks in the sheet all around me till I can't move and I am wrapped up tight
I can't help but giggle the whole time, when do you get to have this much fun?

Maybe it is immature and it is probably asking too much of poor Dp who can't possible want to de-crummy the bed all the time.

I hope I always stay silly, and confident in my likes/dislikes, and proud to say I'm 50 and still think the Muppet Movie is hysterical, 60 and I still play Frankenstein with my gummy bears, 80 and love to swing.

I hope David tucks me in every night and I can say at the age of 90 "Can you mummy me?"

MidJuly

I had a realisation this morning
I have to reveal 26 confessions in 5 days?!
Wait I'm turning 30 in 5 days?!
And realising I didn't plan this well.
And realised I still haven't done our anniversary post or worked on a special creative project I swore I'd finish in July or vacuumed the pink bedroom that was supposed to be done at the end of June.

Confession No 5
I am a great employee. I do my job well, I always look for ways to improve the products my team produces, and I actually care about my work.
But when it comes to myself... I have horrible follow through. I can't finish a single, flippin thing that I would consider to be "more important than work".

You know all those things that make you who you are, that enrich and nourish you? I think that is called taking care of yourself. Those are the things I suck terribly at.

But getting a report turned in on time, producing more than any team has ever produced in the history of research productionary producing, and stressing about taking 4 hours off to go to the dentist. I'm amazing at that.

Keeping my house tidy
Fresh meals on the table
Finding new music and concerts and art exhibits and local theater
Caring for my body
Drawing in my art journal
Pleasure reading and writing
Time alone to just sit and be quiet

I haven't done any of these things in ages.

Friday Confession

I have a lot to say about one of our best anniversaries ever, a relaxing July 4th, family visit and staycation weekend. But it has been a heavy writing week at work and my little brain has been more focused on the energy industry and office occupancy to even manage one coherent sentence about my life.

Random Friday Confession!
I really love my sister. Pretty much I have the best family ever, really, ever. But I am horrible about calling her... it is one of my flaws.

We both love texting cause there aren't screaming kids or husband distractions just me and sister talking.

What do two sisters talk about?
Here is the confession - We talk more than any other time of the year during Big Brother season. It's kind of our thing.

Last night I was getting ready for bed and talking strategy with my Big Sister. Maybe one day they will do a siblings season again and we can go in there and kick butt. :)

Eight - Confessions 30:2 & 3

I am one of the least romantic women, possibly on Earth. I just don't think that way.

For example - today in honor of my eighth anniversary I wore my seashell earrings. I find this almost too sentimental because I was married at the San Luis in Galveston, and their logo is a seashell. Nauseating isn't it?


Confession 2
Of our 11 years together and 8 years married, Dp and I have spent 5 together. Sometimes I forget that we spend every single day together now and how much time we spent apart for 6 years.

And then sometimes I wish he'd just go away again. But usually that is after he has had smelly Indian food and is trying to convince me he needs a handgun. Thankfully I can send him to the garage and not to the Persian Gulf.


Confession 3
David and I are way better friends than we are spouses.
We are so good at the loyalty, having fun, sharing interests. We've survived a lot and are well conditioned for "crisis mode." 

Yet, when it comes to date nights, saying sweet things to each other and I'll let you guess if we kiss goodbye every morning, we under-preform. This isn't to say that I don't love David or have romantic-like feelings towards him. But after 11 years, we've realised we both just suck at that stuff. And as a couple try to nurture that part of our relationship but it is work for us.

Do we fight about what to watch on tv? Nope.
What about where to eat? Nope.
Can I give Dp a certain look and he involuntarily get up and get me icecream? Yes.
If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

Confessions 30:1

July came pretty quickly this year. June was a busy work month,  the nephews and Lil B came down for a visit, it was hot as the surface of the sun, and an overall exhausting month.

Homegirl is turning 30 in July.
Big birthday.
Big milestones call for big revelations.
Let me reveal 30 things you may not have known about me.


Confession One
Its possible I have an oral fetish. My tongue plays with the back of my teeth all day long. It likes to run across each tooth especially the front bottom ones, and feel the roof of my mouth, and a create suction between my tongue and my pallet. Weird.  Sometimes I breathe with my mouth open just to give my face a break.

Even more weird is sometimes I take a sip of water and forget to swallow. It might be 2 or 3 minutes when I realize I'm holding water in my mouth. Just cause.

I also like to bite.
It just feels good.
A little while ago, Brody bit Dylan. And Leah scolded him for biting, apparently it was pretty dramatic. I kinda felt like this was my fault. The millions of times I bit Leah (and lied about it) she is probably scarred for life and extra sensitive to biters.
Leah- I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it. But I probably should have fessed up to making the bite marks on your arm...