Her First Week

She's been ours for a whole week. Actually, we've cared for her for two years now. But a couple of months ago, I happened to toss a toy mouse on the porch to see if she was interested, not expecting even a raised eyebrow. Instead the skinny black cat played with that mouse. I'd never seen that side of her.

Watching her play, realizing she remembered toys and therefore had a life indoors, and wondering when the last time she actually played... all that broke my heart.  I said "David..." and he said "I know, we've got to bring her in."

Last Thursday Wheels had an appointment with the vet, and was tested for everything under the sun, and is completely healthy. Quite a feat for an outdoor kitty. (This month we've had to get a routine thyroid check for Rigby, put down David's mother's cat, and now Wheels. I think our vet is going to have a very nice summer vacation with the recent influx of cash.)

We are using a slow and steady method with the introduction. Wheels has a base camp in my office and the other cats are slowly introduced. So far it is going very very well. 

I am slightly jealous of dog owners. If you get a new dog, the introduction is a day long process and then they work out the hierarchy of things. There is no hierarchy in cat society. As solitary animals they are sensitive to their territory. Not to say they don't develop friendships and in no way does this make them "mean" or "withholding of their affection." This is just their instinctive animal nature, much like a dog's instinct to chase cars, or dig up your garden. 

Cats are highly adaptive animals, and unlike a dog's desire to please their human, cats adapt on their own terms.

Rigby advanced through all the steps in a day. His first nose to nose, he sniffed and rolled over to show his belly. I think he would like to cuddle with Wheels but she isn't quite ready. So I've been giving him extra snuggles to substitute. Recently, the three of us spend 30 min(ish) daily in a room together.

Abbey is moving slower, but I'm very proud of her. When I got married, Abbey had been with me only 6 months. She was still very untrusting of people other than me. With all the guests in the house, she stayed under the couch the whole weekend and didn't even come out to say goodbye. Seeing where she has come from really makes me amazed at how well she is doing. Essentially she is acting normal other than curiosity around Wheel's base camp.

Wheels is a little champion. I make sure she gets lots of uninterrupted, loooooong naps and as much food as her skinny little belly can hold. We use play therapy to build trust, and I wait for her to fall asleep till I leave. We also try some room swapping, letting our kitties inspect her room while Wheels gets to inspect the rest of the house.

She wouldn't let us pet her face last Thursday, by Saturday she was getting chin scratches!

We aren't quite ready for free access yet. Which is to be expected. I was so so so worried about adding a third. But my kitties still sleep with me and still snuggle and that's all I ever wanted. 

Wheels to be safe and my kitties to love me. All three of them.

she takes my breath away

I lay in a sliver of sunlight with Abbey this morning. Our street is so quiet this time of day, around 10 o'clock. Even the birds have taken a twittering break, except for a dove calling, probably in the backyard.

After a sigh, or grumble, or whatever that noise means to her, she settled on the ottoman, resting her head on the bed.
And I laid my head down too and stared at her.
She opened slits of her eyes to look at me.

We looked at each other.

Her green glass eyes blinking. We don't need words for our language.
She says she is happy like this and could I stay a little longer.
I blink yes, and rest my head on my hands.

When I first found Abbey I wanted her. But would tell myself I didn't. I even said I would never love her like I loved Juni.
How I was wrong.

How much love I have to give when I let myself
in a quiet sun sliver of a moment.

the SPI post

I've been working on a special project at work, planning birthday surprises, sleeping in an un-air conditioned house, and feeling frazzled for pretty much all of June and July.


Over the weekend we took a little break and went to South Padre Island with my folks. I forced Dp to pack my dslr (there was a little argument about it too) and we took it out once on the last day.... woops.

We flew out Friday morning and the flight was 42 min long, which is perfect for me since I am a terrible flyer. It isn't a true fear of flying, more like a claustrophobic thing and my ears always bother me. I'm impressed with people who can read on the plane, I just can't ever get comfortable enough to focus on anything other than the incredible lack of fresh air.

Freddy Fender
I'd never heard of him. A friend of the family supposedly had some epic jam sessions with him at some point in unrecorded history. So we stopped at the Freddy Fender Museum in San Benito. You know when you are aware that you are living a future memory? That's the only to describe it.


SPI
We saw fireworks, and walked on the beach on pink sand stained by a setting sun, swam in the morning before the hot rays, tried to read but really just sat on the balcony and talked about the future and dreams, ate guacamole and carrots, didn't get ice cream once, took long heavy naps, avoided sun burns, stress-free and relaxed.








Palo Alto Battlefield
We had some time before our flight home and stopped into the Palo Alto Battlefield NP. I've been to lots of historic battlegrounds and old forts in my life, most are eye-roll inducing - hot - miserable places. This was worth the trip out there. Museum was interactive and very well done. There was a short film about the battle and we watched it in spanish and tested analee on her translation skills. It is gorgeous flat terrain, scrubby brush, flowy grasses, breezy but hot. Reminded me of Lonesome Dove and David even mentioned how he thought we could grow olives down there. (That's our scale of could we live somewhere, Can we grow olives here?)



SPI Haiku Summary
Cool ocean water
a calm cradle for the soul
unwinds tangled mind

Well...

we have been waiting
stuck in difficult territory - stressed and overwhelmed

lately dp and I have begun to get impatient
discouraged

I really believe that these struggles are refining and grinding our jagged edges and clearly we have quite a lot to smooth. It is because dp and I are both hard headed, stubborn, emotional and apparently slow learners.

Last week was rock bottom - one of those weeks where you are ready to give up
we canceled our Montana trip
terrible drama at work left me burnt out (understatement)
my toe nail fell off

We had been taken to the edge when all of the sudden

I got a promotion!

Not a life changer, but a morsel. A dang tasty morsel. It felt so good to have good news to tell my parents for a change.


To celebrate
Saturday we went to Baybrook Mall to the H&M and giant Forever 21. I warned dp in advance that he would need to be in a easy going mood on Saturday and he tends to freak out when we step foot in any store other than Macy's. But he did great! I found two shells, a blouse, a yellow-striped cardi, and a couple of necklaces. AND I found two dresses for Brynn Leigh at H&M, well I found lots more but only bought two. I could spoil the mess out of that kid...

Then we went to Jurassic Park 3D. I am so used to watching the VHS on a 13 inch television, so it was unbelievable how crisp and clear and excellent sound.

We went home after that. And I had a fever and didn't feel good for some reason and rested.

I felt better the next morning... random. But slept in till 10am.
The kitties were climbing all over me, I figured they missed me, so we had some snugly cuddles time. All four of us got in the guest twin bed. Very often I feel like I need a third kitty, but there was no way another cat could have fit on that pile of people and felines.

We went to Aldi in Pearland. Kind of a drive from our house, but my mom already went and I was curious. It is a tiny little grocery store with just basics, bread, meat, dairy, produce. I would definitely like one in our area.
Hear that Aldi? I write HEB once a year telling them how much our area needs another grocery store. We must have the most Randall's stores in all of Houston.

On the way home we stopped by to say hey to mom & dad. And invited ourselves over for dinner and Game of Thrones.



In the last 4 or five months our weekends usually go like this
sleep
netflicks
frozen pizza
sleep
repeat

Boredom and frustration were overwhelming. Wanting to do so much but not having the money or the energy. It was unbelievably refreshing to DO something this weekend. All of life's problems are not fixed, and we still have a full plate. But getting a little break is what we needed.

here is my sweet heart

I have been agonizing over this post, which pictures and how to say how much we love her and capture the events of those days we were there. Mom and I found a letter from PawPaw to Leah in her baby book. One day Brynn Leigh may want to read what Auntie said about her first days in this world, that is some pressure. But seeing as she is almost 3 weeks old I just need to post it whether it is perfect or not.



First Impressions of my First Niece

We walked up to the door, Room 264, and knocked softly. Opening the door she was behind a curtain in her daddy's arms. Swaddled in pink. Sweet and peaceful.

I think I torn her out of Michael's hands. I wanted to see her and hold her and tell her my name. She is perfect. Looks like a mix of Brody and Dylan but with a sweet feminine mouth and girly features.
She won't remember but she was loved so much from the very moment she was born and we fell all over ourselves to get to meet her. She was so quiet until David held her while standing, she screamed a piercing girl yelp. We all joked that she could sense a change in altitude.

I spent the next few days going back and forth between the hospital and the house. After breakfast I would get in Dylan's bed and David would get in Brody's bed and they would show us all their toys or try to attack David. And one morning we played Monopoly Jr. I called it "my mid-morning rest".  Then mom and I went up to the hospital. Everyday I wanted so badly to take care of my Leah. Her body did an amazing job growing and caring and giving birth to our little BL. Although recovering, Leah had a sense of peace around her. The hospital room was so calm and felt light. Little promise wrapped in a blanket, squeaking in her mother's arms bathes the room in cozy, warm love. She may not remember but those were special days in the hospital.

It was raining on homecoming day.

She didn't like her car seat at first and let everyone know. Over all she is a fearless, easy going baby who knows what she wants.

Mimi loaded the car with all her gear and Michael drove slow to avoid any bumps in the road. When we walked in the house everyone came over. Brynn Leigh can draw a crowd.

Dylan sang her the song he wrote for her "baby don't cry" and Brody was quick with his assigned job of pressing the music soother. Dylan wanted to hold her and did a great job of watching cartoons and holding a baby at the same time. She is so lucky to have big brothers to bring her toys when she is sad. (And stick monkey hands in her mouth)

Her first day home we held her non-stop, and by we I mean me. I couldn't put this sugar lump down. Brynn Leigh had no complaints for her auntie. Even though I was only around for a couple of days I changed one pp diaper. And she dealt with that debacle, I can already tell she is going to be one tough cookie.

We had dinner that night in the dining room, all of us. Leah, Michael, Dyan and Brody (at their small table they carried into the dining room together), Mimi and Cool and Auntie and David and Brynn Leigh. Everyone together. And that night we had movie night and watch Madagascar 3.


Hard to sum up new life. First days in this world, and possibility and change. And what I want Brynn Leigh to remember about her first days is

         She is loved

         Her family came all the way to Arkansas to meet her
         Uncle David and Brody both loved petting her head - her dark hair
         Auntie loved her widdle chin and her tiny squeaks
         Mimi stayed with her for 3 weeks + 1 week before
         Mimi sent "Picture of the Day" to Auntie
         Brothers love her so much
         She is a star and a sweet heart.

sugar and spice

Having a sister maybe the best ever.

It was like having a best friend from birth. Someone to play with, sing and dance with, race, fight, share a bed, and teach me SO much. Being the little sister takes the cake.

When the boys were born I fell in love. It was like they were mine in a special way. I saw my sister in these two crazy boys. Sometimes even seeing myself in them. Brody and Dylan have always been pure joy, just giggles and smiles. Being an auntie is almost better than being a little sister.

Watching Leah & Michael yearn for another child was hard. I wanted a baby for her so badly. When she told me they were expecting - it was pure joy again! Thrilled doesn't describe the joy, I was so so so so happy and thankful. And imagine my squeals when we found out I have a NIECE !!!

I'm so excited to have a niece but also for the boys to have a sister, and Michael to have a daughter, and my sweet sister to have everything her heart wished for. Nothing makes me quite as thankful this Thanksgiving than little Sweet Monkey.

And I've already started a list of all the things her Auntie will do with her:

• Watch Seven Brides for Seven Brothers with her and dance during the barn raising and June Bride.
• Teach her how to color and that Crayola is the best crayons. (I'm sure Leah will show her how to keep all them in their correct spot in the box.)
• Pretend church, boat, train, beauty parlor and whatever else. (But probably not school.)
• Clap the loudest when she learns a new cheer and does a perfect cartwheel.
• Give her lots of candy.
• Paint her nails with pretty pink polish.
• Rock her baby doll when she tells me to.
• Play checkers and Go Fish when her brothers don't want to play with a girl.
• Push her in the swing.
• LOVE HER TO PIECES

its camping not the apocalypse

I have a theory about camping: it should be fun not torture.

We have been watching a lot of survivor shows on Netflicks lately and Dp thinks "mental note, I can boil water in a soda can and eat the stems of water lilies" and I think "why is this man putting himself through all this?" I love being outdoors and in the quiet, but I'm not going to eat wild edibles or use my pee to make condensation I can drink. Its camping, not the apocalypse.

Quick visit this weekend to Hunstville St. Park.

Pretty good park, great trails but way to crowded. I know they gotta make money but, geewiz the sites are close together.

Also, beware the park will sell you moist sappy wood. We had trouble getting a fire going when we first arrived. And even when we got some of the wood dried out we couldn't get a roaring fire to get us warm.

Accomplishments:

• David can really get the tent up fast now. Our first time it took an hour, in the rain and cold. I think it took him 20 min this time.
• We took a pretty nice hike on Saturday, about 5 miles. I could have gone further but we were running out of daylight and I was pretty sure it would take 18 years to get a fire going to cook dinner.
• I hadn't made a foil packet dinner since Camp Fire, but we tried some this time, YUM! We had chicken, red potatoes, onions and bell peppers. So civilized. I tried a baked apple recipe but they were not good. I was expecting apple pie and got warm apple. So we had JUMBO smores instead. Have you seen these Jumbo Jet Puffs? Unreal.
• David has this skill of getting the tent folded just so that it always fits back in the bag. I told him he should work for Coleman. I try rolling sleeping bags and they are 4x the size that will fit in the bag, Dp has room to spare? I guess we all have secret talents.

Why is it always nice to get away even for just 1 night? I feel so recharged and renewed.

On our walk I was thinking how horrible the last few years have been. I struggled with my health, and watched my MeeMaw slip from this world, seen Mary decline and the incredible weight associated with supporting David and Gil, going back to school, losing the GI Bill and my Grandaddy's struggles to name a few. We had so many huge life changes and the difficult kind.

At the beginning of 2012 I was asking (basically begging) God for a break because I am out of steam. But it took most of the year to make it out of the bad stuff. Slowly in the last two months I've felt like the storm is dying down. Not that everything will be perfect, but just less heavy.

Finally, I feel hopeful about the future, even excited about it. That is a true gift.

it is the little things

I know some people have the mental faculties to blog everyday of things they are thankful for. I intended to do all the Thursdays in November and see how far I got?


I made Wheels, our little stray kitty, a house out of a storage bin and foam insulation board. Cats don't always respond to their human's crafty efforts. A lot of times there is a blank stare, huff, and walk away texting their little cat friends and say "i can't believe she thought i was actually going to like eat/play with/sleep in that. lol" (thats my teenager impersonation.)

But! Wheelsie sleeps in her house!!
It is the little things.

I made Dp get down our Christmas decorations already.
I understand some of the outrage at people jumping the Christmas gun. But I can barely get fall decorations out and the next day is January. So I said I'm actually going to get stuff up and down on time this year.
Step 1: Pull everything out 2 weeks before Tgiving
Step 2: Get annoyed at tripping over the boxes sooner
Step 3: Decorate Tgiving weekend!

What is it about a tree that makes me so happy?
It is the little things.

Camping Weekend is coming up.
We don't normally go camping so late in the year. And I'm pretty thankful our sleeping bags are rated for 20 degrees. My favorite part of camping is waking up early in the morning, hopefully you see a couple of deer in the low fog, and you get the first fire of the day going......
My other favorite part of camping is listening to the quiet, just nature, birds and leaves.

It is also our first weekend getaway since January, so I'm pretty excited. David got his hatchet sharpened and pulled out his cold weather gear from the navy... it is safe to say he is jazzed.



Earlier this year I started keeping a gratitude journal.
There is so much good in (most) everyday. But you have to be looking for it.
I'm thankful for all the little things that make life rich and full.
And most importantly I'm thankful for my kitty bears! :)

Snoballs from angels

Yes yes yes yes!
It finally isn't 1000 degrees! Houston almost feels like fall.

On a most glorious day, a sweet-toothed certain someone begs her hubby for a Mam's run. He can't say no (cause he knows what's good for him- sometime- sorta).

There was no line. Not a single person. We had a nice little chat with the snoballer, she sneezed.

Super soft snow with light, unique flavors. I must start and end the season with orchid. It's my favorite flavor- very purpley.  Mixed with soft & sweet nectar and a shot of cream.

Wednesday treat for me!

when you need a giant vat of mint chip

did you have a terrible week?
i did.

did you have an embarrassing break down on wednesday night, crying and snivelling, getting out words between tight gasps of air -- i *gasp* dont *gasp* want *gasp* to *gasp* go * gasp* to work anymooooore *sniff sniff gasp gasp* ?
i did.

did you eat a giant bowl of mint chip and crack a tiny smile when you found the ENORMOUS chunk in your mint chip? did you eat it out of your brand new ikea bowls that you are pretty sure are intended for rice but you saw them and thought ICE CREAM!?
i did.

tuesday did you have a pre-dinner icecream cone from chickfila and then mint chip for dessert?

i did and stand firm that it isn't overkill.

it has been that kind of week/month/last two years. no one wants to read about ice cream inducing unpleasantness.

So lets talk lip gloss!!!

Remember when I mentioned my lip needs? Yeah, I have Soflips addiction, uh-dict-shun.

(I think dp dreams of being a prepper but I don't give into his insanity. But I will admit, my mind has wondered to a post-apocalyptic scenario and *i swear* my greatest concern is how long will my Softlips stash last, will I have to ration? Just once in the morning and once at night or if it was terrible once at night, and without ac would they melt and then I would use a stick to dig out the lip protectant goodness? This isn't just blog wit, I've seriously gone down that road.)

At all times I need:

2 softlips at work

1 in the purse

1 by the bed

1 by the desk

+ stash in the drawer

Oh and I have a softlips lip gloss which uh huh, yup, yes it is that amazing. Same light softlips slip from the balm but in a non-sticky no glitter just shiny gloss.

But yes I am a grown woman and since the whole tinted lip balm blog of last year I have vastly expanded my 3 lip color options. Slight update - Sugar by Fresh which was the winner totally melted into a crazy mess, now I have to use a lip brush to even apply- bummer.

Ready? Ok.

Girls/Ladies/Flamboyant Gents

Revlon.Just.Bitten.Kissable.Balm.Stains

That's all you need to know, buy them all. They are kinda everything I ever wanted ever. Wear with gloss or with softlips or mix colors. Buy all of them.

Long lasting color

Easy to apply

Balmy

Amazing

Currently rocking - Honey, Charm, Cherish & Darling

Look at me with the Revlon obsession. Who the heck am I?

Revlon ColorBurst Lip Butters

This is basically a tinted balm - a sheer lip color, my shade Peach Parfait has a teensie bit of glitter which is kinda nice on occasion. I will sometimes wear this on top of a balm stain.

Now for two other random things to mention without mentioning my no good very bad this week/month/last two years....

What is Burts Bees doing in the facial cleansing industry? What did I miss?

Burts Bees Facial Cleansing Wipes

Was loving the Simple face wipes but dang $7 for 25 wipes? So I saw these BB wipes $5 for 30 wipes... I'm not a mathematician but me thinks that is a decent deal.

Haven't broken out at all!

Smell like baby wipes but I dont care.

Fany little closure.

Don't you love tiny doors to open and close? My mom has an xmas ornament - a little chestnut and you open it up and it is a little squirrels house! eeep! And she has a charm that is a house and you can open the roof and see the little bed and table inside!!

Watch it.

http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com/

Ok. I feel better.

Happy friday eve!



*I linked up with Kelly's Korner SUYL. Kinda funny cause I never link up and I never talk about make-up. And if anyone actually clicked on my link and read my blog... sorry you wasted 10 minutes reading about Softlips, but check out Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and it might be worth it.*

scrumptious

fresh palmiers
very grape drippy popcicles
sweettarts and pixie sticks
spinkles and jimmies
mounds of pink frosting on a strawberry cupcake

None are as sweet as my Abbey Darling
My sugar bear honey pants

Her kisses are sweet to the max.

twenty ninety

Fully aware of my procrastination, I feel that I need to wrap up the birthday post that has been sitting in my draft folder aging as fast as me. Not to mention I have a back log of post ideas to thrill and entertain you all with.

This birthday everyone completely spoiled me, birthday celebrating went on for days and days and by the time it was over it was time for dp's birthday.

FRIDAY JULY 20 - my work bosom buddies surprised me with a darcy haircut! The level of trickery and planning blew me away. Remember how I said I was spoiled? Cause I am.

Friday night was Mexican as usual. I can't say no. I just can't. And afterwards we went back to the house and watched War Horse which was really good. Only 1 dead horse and I cried 3/4 a much Hildalgo and if you compare this to Toy Story 3 or The Muppets I cried just a drop. I still love you Kermie.

SATURDAY JULY 21 -- THE BIG DAY. The big 29. I already felt totally spoiled and didn't expect anything else.

• The lawn man came!! We were pushing 7 inches in shady spots of the yard and the neighborhood cats were doing high kicks in the grass. I think a squirrel got lost. And the jungle lawn almost broke the mower. 
• My mom took me on a shopping spree to H&M and I found 2 cardis, one is striped. I have a small addiction. The Bay Area is crowded, it was like being in the Galleria area but not knowing any back roads. We looked at the traffic going north on 45 and shuddered and stopped into Pinkberry instead. By the time we left traffic was "moving."
• Dp got me james avery earrings and a card - first line was "To my sexy husband"... he didn't read it thoroughly... or maybe I need to bump up the femininity by A LOT.
• We went to some steak restaurant in Pearland. I can never think of the name. I always think it is Logan's and it never is. We'll call it Birthday Beef. There weren't any peanuts on the table so I made dp take a handful when we left, his 1 handful was 2 overflowing handfuls to me. I like peanuts.
• After dinner we watched Moneyball and Analee's birthday was over.

NOT!
SUNDAY JULY 22 - mom and dad dropped off a new pillow for The Chair, cake!, and sunflowers. They sang happy birthday to the both of us, and Analee's birthday was over.

NOT!
AUGUST 1 - work birthday lunch for me & mel at spaghetti warehouse
AUGUST 2 - birthday dinner at Carrabbas with Micheletti Clan

But really, after that Analee's birthday was over.

make a joyful noise

Dp and I were trying to get the oven to stay on so we could cook some bacon wrapped dates. Don't we all love how trendy bacon is these days? No shame in loving you some bacon.

Mary started to get upset, which was somewhat expected for the time of day. I put on some relaxing Christmas piano music which she seemed to really enjoy. She got quiet and smiley.

Back to the oven.
Back to roasting eggplant.
Back to mashing potatoes.
Back to steaming tamales.

It started softly but grew. I looked and Dp, and he at me, and us at Mary.

She was singing.

I imagine God smiling, delighting in the joyful noise celebrating his birth, and maybe singing along.


Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise. Sing unto the LORD with the harp; with the harp, and the voice of a psalm. Psalm 98:4

christmas spirit

hope you all find your Christmas joy. i found mine

plop plop fizz fizz

Oh what a relief.

Meet our two 60 foot pines trees.

Yeah, they are dead. And looming over my house, and my neighbors house. And for the past year I've been terrified every time I felt a breeze. (The drought didn't get them, they found pine beetles) Can you see Dp lurking? :)

Those were the pine twins last week.

And this week?

G.O.N.E. Just pine mulch.

A big empty space in the back yard.

Yesterday it stormed and I didn't break a sweat.

Bring on the rain!!

thankful things friday

It is easy to forget to be thankful. Sometimes life is bursting with things that cloud a thankful spirit.

Every year right around the first cool front I watch White Christmas, because we all want snow snow snooooooooooow! Bing sings:

"When I worry and I can't sleep

I count my blessing instead of sheep.

And I fall asleep counting my blessings."

This November every Friday I am going to list what I've been thankful for this week. Because sometimes there is a heavy weight of negative on your shoulders and the only way to fight dark is with light.


1. Kitty snuggles. Abbey takes care of me when I am sick and Rigby takes care of me when I am sad, and what more could a girl need?
2. Steaked potatoes, steaked potatoes, potatoes that are steaked, steaked potatoes!
3. Cooler weather. Whew, its here!
4. Warm bed in the morning.

done

I am finished with my school work, waiting (im)patiently for my grades. I won't feel really really good till my grades are in, and transcripts sent, and the registrar mails me my piece of paper.

I am not sure how I feel about the whole experience. Relieved. Happy. Tired. I haven't processed the full magnitude of this achievement. This semester has been like opening a wound. I was forced to face my baggage that I lugged around for years.

A couple of things

1. I was a crazy person for trying to finish in one go. It was
grueling and resulted in no less than 50 meltdowns. I can't even fit the thank yous into this post. It would be huge.

2. I have been ashamed of my college status for 6 years. I just avoided the whole topic because how can you explain that you didn't finish the last month of your last semester of college? (here's where my inner thoughts kick in) I assumed people would think I was "stupid" or less in someway. Having school completed... I can't even find words to say how I feel....I no longer have to hang my head. Powerful moment.

3. Baggage.
This is my story, and I want my readers to hear an authentic me.I am too aware of how the world views mental illness and it isn't with an accepting, open mind. What happened to me at ACU just did, but the painful part is the lack of caring for me afterwards. For them it was one day in my life, but for me I was thrown onto a different track. I am not living the life I would have, I am not the same person I was. There is an insensitivity to emotional and mental issues, we brush people aside as "full of excuses" or "overly sensitive." In reality there are certain pains that affect the entire person.

Last year, I was diagnosed with PTSD due to my experience while at college. Only then did someone agree to find a way for me to finish my degree. I fought for 5 years, tried too many times to finish in Abilene and every time I failed I was more ashamed than before. I catch myself wondering how my life could be different if someone had diagnosed me sooner, if anyone had validated these feelings I was having.

Now,by some gift,I can begin to lay this burden down.


So, completing this semester was "important" for me. I struggled with the work load, I struggled internally convincing myself I could do this and I wouldn't fail again, and I struggled with memories of the past that never seem to fade completely.

And I am not sure how else to say -- I am done.
hard

return to the real world

I am cruise-lagged.

I didn't get a 3 course breakfast this morning.

I wasn't rocked to sleep.

I came in to *gulp* work. (shudder)

Imagining I am here...

Doing this...

#2

I can't hold it in any longer- and the announcement was made today...

I GOT A PROMOTION!

Doing this...

on the inside...

once there was a way to get back homeward...

He is home! And even better, he is back.

When we brought him home the last time he was feeling bad, cause he had surgery, duh. But we brought him home last night and he was like my normal kitten!!

Rigby had been leaking urine into his abdomen and that made him really sick. When I saw him not lift his head on Monday I just knew he was really sick.

But he is back and doing pretty darn good.

:: He got into his hamper!

:: He napped on the couch last night with me. And purred louder than I have ever heard him purr EVER! (even louder when he saw Abbs)

:: He has tried to scale boxes to get on the counter to eat watermelon... only my baby Buttons.

He still has his big scar, his shaved arms, and an e-collar. :( He doesn't mind it too much, he is such a trooper. It is kinda sad but Rigby makes it work. He is just simply the cutest little man ever.

Sorry for the fuzzy pictures. He moves a lot now! Happy to be free from his cage! In the first picture, he is eying a piece of watermelon, no lie.

ps- Abbey report. She is doing well and ..... dealing with Rigby. He smells funny and looks funny. She slept with us last night and was playing with Teenie Sardinie this morning so it can't be that awful. As long as he doesn't look at her. She has been the best through all this, and really taking care of me.