Paying Attention

Eleven years ago I had a prophetic dream.

One has to have a great deal of courage to announce that but there it is. Ask me sometime about that very real experience. I didn't place enough faith in what I experienced, but in September when I had another dream (not prophetic but still profound) I knew to listen.

MeeMaw visited me at work and told me she needed to talk to be. So we walked to the elevator and chatted about the future and pleasant things. A group crowded into the elevator and before the doors closed she took my hand and said "It may drop but it isn't going to fall." Half way down the building the elevator started to drop, I was the only one to notice even though we were falling so fast my feet left the floor. MeeMaw held my hand tighter and pulled me back down and the drop slowed and then stopped and we all exited the elevator.

I woke up in September crying, not sadness but pure emotion, a wellspring. I knew I had to quit my job and last week I put in my two weeks. All the logical brained people in the world are probably getting a little uncomfortable at this point. Maybe if I called it faith or fate or some other acceptable word it would seem less impulsive. (I once had a therapist tell me I was impulsive after my intake exam. And? Never considered it a negative to be willing to take an inspired risk)

After making my mind up that I was going to leave, and then changing my mind, and then deciding No, I need to do this, only to have my confidence wane and several more months of back and forth I was offered a job.

Providence or promise. I will start the new year as a writer, a journalist.
All because I was paying attention and learned to listen.

The Falls

The last couple of months have been long and confusing. And I was about to max out my vacation time (not be able to accrue) so it was a forced minication.

We intended to leave early Saturday morning, but I'd been fighting an ear infection for weeks and I was miserable and we left after noon. The car ride up to Marble Falls felt like an 8 hr drive and as difficult as it was for me, I don't think Dp had any fun watching me writhe. *Our plan was to camp but there was still a burn ban in effect and no, just no.*

When we got to the hotel I immediately crawled into bed. Felt safe cause at least I wasn't in the car. I pulled on the blankets to get nice and cozy and physics happened and my phone flew at my face and hit me in the eye and I spent the rest of the trip with a swollen eye. (I don't bruise and it is annoying. I can bump into the corner of a table, fall to the ground and think that is definitely going to bruise. Nothing. But sometimes the wind will blow and it will give me a bruise on my knee. ?? Basically if I get hurt something terrible said body part refuses to bruise. So no, I didn't have a black eye.  But the next time Dp kisses my forehead, watch out.)

Anyway after a thrilling night of pouting, ice packs, Alaska State Troopers, and an upset tummy I decided I was never going anywhere ever again. I was going to live in a bubble, become Howardette Hughes. But in the morning we went hiking because I can't tell Dp no. Nothing is worse than a grumpy David. Not even hiking with an ear infection (later I found out it was two infections, in the same ear).

Surprise! It was pouring rain when we got to Perdenales Falls SP. Most of the park is heavily wooded so it was still a pleasant hike. Changing leaves, water falls, lots of deer and birds.

Back at the hotel I took a warm shower and drank hot cocoa. "We" rested up a little, I think Dp played on the iPad. And we went to Ginger and Spice for the best yellow curry I've ever had. I know it sounds wrong, Thai food in Marble Falls, but it is just right.

The next morning we tried to go to an olive ranch but the owner was very rude, told us we were fools for looking into olives. I hate dream killers. Just let people dream.
So we went to New Braunfels instead. Of course we went to the Gristmill and Nalgein's, cause you have to.
We were trying to burn sometime before coming back to Houston so we'd miss rush hour traffic. We went down to the Comal river, rolled up our pants and stuck our feet in the water. I think this was my favorite part of the weekend. We didn't talk and didn't have to. We just sat. Watched leaves float downstream, and skipped rocks.

Walking back to the car I was so relaxed like leaving a spa relaxed.
We drove back into Houston in the rain
eating gingerbread men fresh from the oven.

presents

On Sunday we received our very first present from Wheels.

Sadly, it was a mutilated lizard. But the thought was very sweet. So I picked her up and gave her a squeeze and made a big fuss. We are one step closer to calling Wheels one of the family. Right now I'd say we are very good neighbors, that like to exchange dead things.


Not to be outdone, Abbey brought us two presents last night: Green Pishy and Fat Bunny. And Rigby found a spider.

pool of lovely, pale colors

i woke up recently tangled in sheets missing a pillow the room lay in a weird green light seeping in through the tops of the curtains i couldnt recognize myself or this room or my crooked teeth inside my mouth, have you ever thought about how weird it is to be you and how strange it would be to be someone else looking at you that isn't you anymore? but everyday despite momentary panic i wash this strangers body in the shower put on a strangers clothes and step into an office. i pretend i am a lot of things, impress the brokers with fake knowledge and befriend the young kids with my feigned youth, speak obligatory robot to corporate muckity mucks. i also squeeze my eyes tight and see pale strobing lights but never any shapes and certainly not any neverlands.

when i start to write raise a finger at a blinking cursor the only words formed are a confession i am not myself today i am not any person today

its a monday

That project I was working on, it was a job. A good job at my company.

And I was going to announce on the blog this week, that I beat out tough competition and got this job and finally I will be doing something I enjoy, that I'm good at and I just can't keep the excitement in any longer....

but I didn't get it.

And kept smiling like fool and saying "well thank you for the opportunity" over and over

I've been working a lot, as a test run, with that department and finishing up projects this morning with my almost colleagues was awkward. She knows that I know and I know she knows I know
and we don't say anything

The few people I told about the lengthy interview process, I had to tell them I was second best, and there was someone with more speech writing experience.

I say I'm proud of myself for trying
It is what it is
and finding some joke to hopefully plug up the tears - dont cry at work dont cry at work

I write the email to my parents "Job Update"
and know they are disappointed just as much as me but
I can't quite manage do anything  my parents can brag about

The problem with putting things out on the blog is when stuff falls through you have to explain yourself to the 4 people out there who read this thing
And record the embarrassing failures in your personal history filed under -
Mondays you probably don't want to read about

it's my world and all you people are just livin in it

I might be 30, own my home, work in a high profile industry, manage a house and a family.

But my husband tucks me into bed every night.

Confession #5
While I am getting ready for bed he straightens the sheets, removes all the crummies and specs of poky things that always find their way into the bed, and fluffs my our pillows. (I just realized I'm sounding like a spoiled brat)

Then I fling myself into bed
sometimes a dramatic gone-with-the-wind-flop
sometimes a bouncy hop
sometimes a half asleep shuffle
sometimes I carefully insert myself next to a sleeping cat or two

He pulls the sheet up to my chin and throws my blanket it the air, cracking it like a whip as it slowly floats back down and to lay perfectly on my arms.

If I am feeling silly I will request a "Mummy"
and he tucks in the sheet all around me till I can't move and I am wrapped up tight
I can't help but giggle the whole time, when do you get to have this much fun?

Maybe it is immature and it is probably asking too much of poor Dp who can't possible want to de-crummy the bed all the time.

I hope I always stay silly, and confident in my likes/dislikes, and proud to say I'm 50 and still think the Muppet Movie is hysterical, 60 and I still play Frankenstein with my gummy bears, 80 and love to swing.

I hope David tucks me in every night and I can say at the age of 90 "Can you mummy me?"

crumbs in the bottom of the july bag

July was just the most ridiculous month. Busy and stressful and mixed in with birthdays and anniversaries.

July 3rd was our 8th anniversary - we ate chinese food and saw Much Ado About Nothing at the River Oaks Theater.

July 4th we had mexican food with my dad and went to look at inner loop office developments. all american deal

Sometime in July - our ac went out. probably like everyone else in Houston cause it has been so dang hot. we received recommendations for repairmen from friends and family and everyone we called wouldn't travel to our location. *we live pretty dang centrally located to pretty much everything

We were sweatin' it out and camping in the pink bedroom which happens to have a window unit. We have never turned it on but it works! and kept us coolish at night. But in the mornings despite icey showers I was sweating bullets trying to get ready and had 2 very important meetings at work - my hair wouldn't dry, make up was sliding off my face like icing melting off a cupcake.

• AC was fixed just in time for the SPI trip.
• On a positive note - if you've never seen a cat walk on an air mattress it is hilarious. Rigby liked to jump on it like a trampoline and Abbey was very unsure and took marching steps like she had tape to her feet.

July 21st & then some - I turned 30!

• It was the year of the sentimental gifts. My mom finished my baby book. I've been bratty about this for 20 years probably cause Leah's book was nicer and finished and mine had my name and weight. I've probably looked through it 90 times.
• Daddy gave me a necklace of MeeMaws. (geez I'm almost starting to tear up again) How I always need a reminder to stay focused on the joyful life.
• I completely dropped the ball on the 30 confessions. But last week I had an inspired moment and wrote down all the ideas I had, scheduled the order and nothing is going to stop me from getting these confessions on this blog.

All of July - This current project at work has been exciting and stressful and a lot of work and taken up a lot of headspace. Even on our vacation in SPI I was consumed with planning and strategizing.  I'm hoping this will take a backseat in August because I need some relaxing time.

Cat-update

• Abbey has been on the light food for about a month and feeding the cats two different foods has really worked out well. Abbey seems fuller on her food and Rigby seems uninterested (or unaware?) in her food.
• We've started feeding Wheels canned food. We are nuts. I think she has some dental issues because she woofs down that wet food and only nibbles the hard food. To make a box of box food last longer we mix her hard food with some water so it is a little bit mushy. All this for a stray cat. :/
• Aren't you glad I included this cat update? I'm sure in 10 years I will be interested in the eating patterns of our felines.

the SPI post

I've been working on a special project at work, planning birthday surprises, sleeping in an un-air conditioned house, and feeling frazzled for pretty much all of June and July.


Over the weekend we took a little break and went to South Padre Island with my folks. I forced Dp to pack my dslr (there was a little argument about it too) and we took it out once on the last day.... woops.

We flew out Friday morning and the flight was 42 min long, which is perfect for me since I am a terrible flyer. It isn't a true fear of flying, more like a claustrophobic thing and my ears always bother me. I'm impressed with people who can read on the plane, I just can't ever get comfortable enough to focus on anything other than the incredible lack of fresh air.

Freddy Fender
I'd never heard of him. A friend of the family supposedly had some epic jam sessions with him at some point in unrecorded history. So we stopped at the Freddy Fender Museum in San Benito. You know when you are aware that you are living a future memory? That's the only to describe it.


SPI
We saw fireworks, and walked on the beach on pink sand stained by a setting sun, swam in the morning before the hot rays, tried to read but really just sat on the balcony and talked about the future and dreams, ate guacamole and carrots, didn't get ice cream once, took long heavy naps, avoided sun burns, stress-free and relaxed.








Palo Alto Battlefield
We had some time before our flight home and stopped into the Palo Alto Battlefield NP. I've been to lots of historic battlegrounds and old forts in my life, most are eye-roll inducing - hot - miserable places. This was worth the trip out there. Museum was interactive and very well done. There was a short film about the battle and we watched it in spanish and tested analee on her translation skills. It is gorgeous flat terrain, scrubby brush, flowy grasses, breezy but hot. Reminded me of Lonesome Dove and David even mentioned how he thought we could grow olives down there. (That's our scale of could we live somewhere, Can we grow olives here?)



SPI Haiku Summary
Cool ocean water
a calm cradle for the soul
unwinds tangled mind

MidJuly

I had a realisation this morning
I have to reveal 26 confessions in 5 days?!
Wait I'm turning 30 in 5 days?!
And realising I didn't plan this well.
And realised I still haven't done our anniversary post or worked on a special creative project I swore I'd finish in July or vacuumed the pink bedroom that was supposed to be done at the end of June.

Confession No 5
I am a great employee. I do my job well, I always look for ways to improve the products my team produces, and I actually care about my work.
But when it comes to myself... I have horrible follow through. I can't finish a single, flippin thing that I would consider to be "more important than work".

You know all those things that make you who you are, that enrich and nourish you? I think that is called taking care of yourself. Those are the things I suck terribly at.

But getting a report turned in on time, producing more than any team has ever produced in the history of research productionary producing, and stressing about taking 4 hours off to go to the dentist. I'm amazing at that.

Keeping my house tidy
Fresh meals on the table
Finding new music and concerts and art exhibits and local theater
Caring for my body
Drawing in my art journal
Pleasure reading and writing
Time alone to just sit and be quiet

I haven't done any of these things in ages.

Friday Confession

I have a lot to say about one of our best anniversaries ever, a relaxing July 4th, family visit and staycation weekend. But it has been a heavy writing week at work and my little brain has been more focused on the energy industry and office occupancy to even manage one coherent sentence about my life.

Random Friday Confession!
I really love my sister. Pretty much I have the best family ever, really, ever. But I am horrible about calling her... it is one of my flaws.

We both love texting cause there aren't screaming kids or husband distractions just me and sister talking.

What do two sisters talk about?
Here is the confession - We talk more than any other time of the year during Big Brother season. It's kind of our thing.

Last night I was getting ready for bed and talking strategy with my Big Sister. Maybe one day they will do a siblings season again and we can go in there and kick butt. :)

Eight - Confessions 30:2 & 3

I am one of the least romantic women, possibly on Earth. I just don't think that way.

For example - today in honor of my eighth anniversary I wore my seashell earrings. I find this almost too sentimental because I was married at the San Luis in Galveston, and their logo is a seashell. Nauseating isn't it?


Confession 2
Of our 11 years together and 8 years married, Dp and I have spent 5 together. Sometimes I forget that we spend every single day together now and how much time we spent apart for 6 years.

And then sometimes I wish he'd just go away again. But usually that is after he has had smelly Indian food and is trying to convince me he needs a handgun. Thankfully I can send him to the garage and not to the Persian Gulf.


Confession 3
David and I are way better friends than we are spouses.
We are so good at the loyalty, having fun, sharing interests. We've survived a lot and are well conditioned for "crisis mode." 

Yet, when it comes to date nights, saying sweet things to each other and I'll let you guess if we kiss goodbye every morning, we under-preform. This isn't to say that I don't love David or have romantic-like feelings towards him. But after 11 years, we've realised we both just suck at that stuff. And as a couple try to nurture that part of our relationship but it is work for us.

Do we fight about what to watch on tv? Nope.
What about where to eat? Nope.
Can I give Dp a certain look and he involuntarily get up and get me icecream? Yes.
If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

Confessions 30:1

July came pretty quickly this year. June was a busy work month,  the nephews and Lil B came down for a visit, it was hot as the surface of the sun, and an overall exhausting month.

Homegirl is turning 30 in July.
Big birthday.
Big milestones call for big revelations.
Let me reveal 30 things you may not have known about me.


Confession One
Its possible I have an oral fetish. My tongue plays with the back of my teeth all day long. It likes to run across each tooth especially the front bottom ones, and feel the roof of my mouth, and a create suction between my tongue and my pallet. Weird.  Sometimes I breathe with my mouth open just to give my face a break.

Even more weird is sometimes I take a sip of water and forget to swallow. It might be 2 or 3 minutes when I realize I'm holding water in my mouth. Just cause.

I also like to bite.
It just feels good.
A little while ago, Brody bit Dylan. And Leah scolded him for biting, apparently it was pretty dramatic. I kinda felt like this was my fault. The millions of times I bit Leah (and lied about it) she is probably scarred for life and extra sensitive to biters.
Leah- I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it. But I probably should have fessed up to making the bite marks on your arm...

a salad fork in the road

I've been thinking a lot about direction and purpose lately.
Where do I belong, and what is my purpose - not what my peers find purpose in, but uniquely my path.

It is so hard to know who to listen to, what to listen to.
I feel so strongly that I need to be a writer and maybe a journalist. But something holds me back.

When I was younger, I didn't want to be just like my dad.
Getting older I'm certain, I would be lucky to be just like my dad.

hoodlums, bran, and what was I going to say?

This year I won't be turning 30, I'll be turning 80.
Get ready for a rant about my health, the increasingly youthful people in my elevator bank, and skin care.


:: I have another ear infection. It could just be sinuses or fluid, doctor will tell me tomorrow. Most of the people I know have kids, toddlers and babies. Three took their kids to the doctor last week... for "another ear infection."
80... 18 months... you know.


:: It is intern season downtown. The kids invade downtown, especially my elevator bank. I swear I thought it was Take Your Daughter To Work Day. This girl couldn't have been older than 11, in a borrowed pencil skirt, ridiculous heals and surgically attached to her iphone.

Although, being bombarded by the ever-younger crop of data entry child labor force is annoying, their migration patterns drive me bonkers. Where there is one, there will be 15 others. They travel in packs, like a school field trip. A coworker was telling me that she got on the elevator and the Youth Invasion got on with her, all 15 of them, smooshing her in the back and not aware that you should step out to let passengers exit upon arrival. No elevator etiquette.

Similarly, they have a lack of escalator etiquette and pile up at the bottom waiting for the last hipster child wearing khakis and an over sized button down and geez can you call that wrinkled sad shriveled thing a tie? And you know me- always put together and work appropriate.

Hoodlums.


:: Aging skin is weird. Other than my practically non-existent metabolism, and eye sight ("I can't read that tiny print!" during Game Of Thrones captions) I haven't noticed getting older, physically. But skin... older skin is different. My dark circles have real become black and not purple, pimples and bumps, and holy moly there are pores everywhere.

This weekend I did a little DIY rice flour mask, and lip scrub. I'm pretty sure my skin is brighter, but it is for sure softer and more moisturized. Listen, I know lip scrubs seem excessive and vain, but they feel amazing. Amazing. Do it.


:: NAP Challenge Week 3
What happened in Week 2? If you are me, nothing. The challenge was to move more, adding 10 min of activity each day or 500 steps. Yeah, ear infections, work, and overall confusion due to a holiday just lead to nada.

This week is another eating challenge - Whole grains.
Bump it up. Start out with at least one whole grain serving daily and by the end of the week eat a minimum of three (3) whole grain servings each day.

14 before 14 update

I've been avoiding saying it out loud.

June is fast approaching and my 14 before 14 - that I thought would be pretty easy - is embarrassing. I've done one thing, get rid of the skinny clothes. That was easy, I took 6-8 garbage bags full of clothes and a tub full of shoes, purses, belts, hats to charity.

But that is it.

I'm very sad that we will not be going to Montana. I've cried a lot about it, I'm almost starting to cry again just thinking about it. I really wanted to go and stupidly thought that if I made a public commitment then nothing could stop it. But the future knows better about itself than I do.

There is still some time left in the year for me to finish some of The 14. Although, #6,#11,#13 &#14  are pretty much off my list for good. Number 7, #9 , #1 and #3 are unlikely as well.

I wanted to not feel trapped and stuck anymore, I wanted to be like my peers that travel, and have fulfilling lives, that don't live in fear or feel smothered with responsibilities and obligations, those people that don't censor their every move because of _____, people who live THEIR lives and not the lives everyone else tells them to live. I think I wanted it too much.


I think this is the last time I make a list like this. It is far to embarrassing to admit that I failed. And incredibly depressing how little I can accomplish when I put my mind to it.

There is the update.

holiday

A nice half productive/half lazy day off from work is easy for you to achieve

 

 

Step One - A light, refreshing Mexican beer

Step Two - Cooking over an open flame & beef

Step Three - Working in the garden

Homecomings

I've experienced two official Homecomings and then so many smaller informal homecomings I can't even count.

I consider myself a veteran.
Spouses and military families sacrifice so much to support their service member. The years of service are hard, and Dp and I continue to struggle with transitioning to civilian life.

The military, no matter what level of action is seen, changes you. Training in the Navy focuses on mental strength, the ability to stay focused while on a boat for months at a time. Also, the majority of work that goes on during deployment is Top Secret or higher. I know nothing about what Dp did on his last deployment.

As a spouse, I was told by Dp's commanding officers to never talk to him about real life, only email him about positive things and never reveal any struggles from back home. This was to keep him focused. This also requires a level of independence and strength from spouses/families, and hardened me as well. I couldn't let myself miss him, if you let yourself think that it will be nine or more months before you see, smell, touch and speak with your best friend...that will tear a person apart. So I learned to shut off all those loving feelings and focus on my job, keeping him focused and healthy and doing his job. When your entire relationship is built on discipline and withholding feelings, and information, it is extremely difficult to re-learn normal. 

Our time in the military was "easy" compared to most.

This memorial day, remember the fallen. And remember the deeper and long lasting sacrifices of the military and their families. Because even after a celebratory Homecoming, some men/women can never come home, not all the way.

Thankfully, I had many Homecomings.

with my new found energy

Getting a new mattress is a life changing event.

I don't know what we were thinking waiting so long. I have a noticeable increase in energy and don't feel like crusty snot in the mornings.  It allows me to get more done when I get home from work, and this weekend I felt like a normal human being and spent most of the weekend not in bed watching Netflicks.

It is possible that the malaise I've been feeling wasn't depression or getting old, it was sleepy. 


While David was at work on Saturday, I did 40 things that have lingered on my to do list for months. When he got home I'm sure he was pretty overwhelmed with the "and then I ___" report.

• We got a treadmill that David's parents were no longer using. Nice for mosquito/oppressive heat after dinner walks and incline training.  Once we fenagled the thing into my mom's car and got it into the house we played 4,000 rounds of where is this beast going to go.

• As the years go by I get closer and closer to being a crazy cat lady. Rigby's Rx food is pretty much all fat&fiber because he can't have protein, his poor little bladder. Well because we are lazy we've been feeding both the cats this food. But Abbey has put on a little weight. So we now feed Rigby Rx food, Abbey a weight management food, and Wheels whatever I have a coupon for. Three types of food. Sigh..

• I get recipes sent to me by the AICR, and they have started a 12 Week New American Plate Challenge. Mom always talked about the NAP... I'm sure every 9 year old can tell you what vitamins are in spinach and what they do. Yay Vitamin K!(thanks mom)

Two years ago I committed to never starting a diet ever again.  I have replaced destructive coping behaviors with emotional eating and diets, food tracking and exercise programs were just a part of that negative cycle. I'm still emotional eating. At least now I am aware of it. I said that I wanted to be free from it when I turned 30, but I'm not. I'm ok with that, cause life is a process.

We are going to try the challenge, with no expectations of "weight loss" or getting "skinny." So no pressure, no obsessive counting or measure and rules or failure. See Week 1? Easy!!

Week 1: The 2/3 – 1/3 Plate Rule I will fill my plate two-thirds (2/3) or more with a combination of vegetables, fruits, whole grains, beans and nuts and with no more than one-third (1/3) of lean animal protein such as poultry, seafood, low-fat cheese, low-fat yogurt, or lean red meat. By the end of the week, of my 21 meals weekly, 5 or more meals will meet the 2/3-1/3 plate rule.

 

That's all.

there comes a time

In a woman's life there are milestones, markers, that signal growth and change.
First lipgloss
First boy/girl birthday party
First date

Some recent milestones:

I drank coffee. Twice! I think this means I am a grown up. David is very proud of me, and monday I brought in my coffee to work and he said "were the people at work proud of you too?"

Mattress day mattress day everyone get excited it is mattress day! Our mattress is crap. Dead. The edging on one side completely collapsed a while ago. We've been "living with it" but in the last four or five months the need for a new mattress has become immediate. I'm not sure Dp and I have had a good night's rest in ages.
When we went to Arkansas to meet Brynn Leigh, we slept on an air mattress. Best sleep in months. An air mattress.

New Mattress was an investment we couldn't put off any longer. For two hours we laid on every mattress in the store and settled on one we both liked. This evening we get New Mattress!!!

You know you've been married a long time when you start re-buying things you bought when you were first married.




Opposite end of the grown up spectrum:
I still use my baby blanket my grammy made me.
It is the perfect weight for Houston summers. And living with a blanket hog, this is my blanket that no husband can steal in the middle of the night, my back up plan.

Mom had everyone take pictures of their baby blankets grammy embroidered for her mother's day gift. These pictures of pristine blankets poured in, and then there was my sad blanket. worn. unrecognisable.

I'm 30 years old (ish) and I love this blanket. And ain't nothin' ever gonna change about that!






ps- this was my picture for grammy, blanket maybe worn but it shows how much I lurve it.

looks like we made it

On Wednesday don't you sorta feel like everyday from that point on will be Wednesday and we will never make it to Friday? My inner melodramatic voice has a very lengthy pout midweek and then some how all of the sudden it is FRIDAY!



What I am listening to:  Queens of the Stone Age single - My God is the Sun. Can't wait for the album to drop. On My Way by Billy Boy Poison - need to open road for this one. Tenuousness by Andrew Bird, instrument assortment gets me every time.

What I am craving: Some kind of salad with a spicy peanut dressing, refreshing limeade and a brownie or dense chocolate cake

What I am reading: (or not reading at jury duty) A Million Heavens by John Brandon. Picked it up for the unbearably gorgeous cover and then realised it was a desert novel... sold. Includes story telling from the perspective of a wolf.

Do you ever get jealous of other people's talent? Sometimes literature makes the center most part of my brain tingle and flash like a sparkler on fourth of July. I have a novel idea for a girl who experiences something traumatic or maybe amazing but it is scene through the perspective of her cat and somewhere between the back and forth perspectives the girl switches consciousness with her kitty and I'm not sure what happens after that but the girl enjoys curling up in the sun.

What is in my bag: At the end of the week is your purse exploding with a weeks worth of crap?
Currently I have the following lip products: (it is out of hand)
Softlips Strawberry
Maybelline Color Whisper - coral ambition
(2) Revlon JBK Balm Stain - charm & darling
Fresh Sugar - honey
Clinique Lip Smoothie - strawberry bliss

What am I doing this weekend? I dunno. Some cat time, maybe some free-decorating the living room cause we still haven't put things back after Christmas and there may or may not still be a holiday scentsy warmer out....

civic doodie

In fourth grade our gifted and talented program debuted a dramatic rendition of The True Story of the Three Little Pigs. I was Juror #3 and the jury had two lines; rapping "Here comes the judge" as she entered stage left (sometimes we'd say here comes the fudge in rehearsal) and the last lines of the play "We've heard the story but we don't know, lock him up or let him go? YOU be the jury and YOU decide!" I still remember. Gifted AND talented.

That was my only time to serve on a jury until this Tuesday.

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a terrible, very bad, no good, horrible day. I came home and actually bent down to get the mail and saw an official looking letter. Earlier that week, my coworker had received a refund from HCAD saying she had overpaid on property taxes. Could it be?! Money?!!

No.

It was a jury summons.

I crumpled it up and threw it with all my might to the gound, flung my flip flops of my feet, tossed my purse an alarming distance and ran crying to the bedroom. Straw meet camels back.

I wasn't sad or frustrated I was ANGRY. Furious. And spare me the civic duty speech, dp tried that and was almost murdered. To make matters worse, I was not summoned to the nice, new, fancy downtown jury facility with wifi and new holding area... I wish.

Instead, I was summoned to Justice of the Peace Court 7 Place 1. My fancy jury holding room was in a building called Place 1. hmmmm and they shared the building with a teen health clinic. hmmmmmm. And there was zip information on this random place online.



Place 1

So Tuesday I packed up early from work (downtown) and hauled my butt to the UofH area and there was no one in the parking lot. Not another car, not even a bird picking at trash. Eventually a couple other cars started to show up, and employees parked in their reserved spots. I reluctantly left the happy solitary quiet of my car and walked into Place 1.

There was no office, no information window, no doors leading to sad government offices, nope. Just the court room. Just.the.courtroom. hmmmmm. So I went inside, turned in my summons, sat down on an unoccupied pew and waited. Some people were reading, some were chatting about their kids and standardized tests. I brought a book... but there was some pretty dang choice people watching opportunities... I couldn't focus.

We sat there for an hour. Then the clerk told us there all the cases scheduled for today settled and we could go home when the judge released us. Judges must be busy people cause we waiting forever for her to come talk to us. When she did she gave me a speech about my civi duty (bla bla bla) and officially released us.

Before we left she said
Aren't you glad you didn't have to come all the way downtown?

Thrilled.

life hacks



I did something crazy last night. Not as crazy as misspelling my first name on my boss's birthday card this morning, but close.

I ate mushrooms.
On purpose.



Mushrooms are a no go for me. It is a texture thing. I prefer not to eat cooked slug. But I saw a recipe that added mushrooms to ground beef to stretch it. We normally half a pound of ground beef anyways and adding a little more veggies and bulk to a meal is great when you are feeding a giant man.

Source - Iowa Girl Eats

IGE instructed me to grind up my button mushrooms in the food processor and toss them in with my ground beef. She also SWORE I wouldn't be able to taste the difference. We cooked up a full pound of ground beef/mushrooms and divided it, saving 1/2 for tacos later.

VERDICT -- I could taste the difference. There was a distinct earthiness in our meat sauce. Texture was perfect. And if you hadn't told me I would have thought there was just a strange spice. Would I make it again? Probably. But I wouldn't use a full 8 oz package. For a non-mushroom eater it was a little to overwhelming at first and I might need to slowly increase the mushroom flavor. If you like mushrooms, what are you waiting for?

HUSBAND TEST -- David's delicate pallet detected no taste difference. None. He said the tomatoes overpowered the mushroom. I could probably hide real slugs in his meat sauce and he wouldn't notice...

 

Well...

we have been waiting
stuck in difficult territory - stressed and overwhelmed

lately dp and I have begun to get impatient
discouraged

I really believe that these struggles are refining and grinding our jagged edges and clearly we have quite a lot to smooth. It is because dp and I are both hard headed, stubborn, emotional and apparently slow learners.

Last week was rock bottom - one of those weeks where you are ready to give up
we canceled our Montana trip
terrible drama at work left me burnt out (understatement)
my toe nail fell off

We had been taken to the edge when all of the sudden

I got a promotion!

Not a life changer, but a morsel. A dang tasty morsel. It felt so good to have good news to tell my parents for a change.


To celebrate
Saturday we went to Baybrook Mall to the H&M and giant Forever 21. I warned dp in advance that he would need to be in a easy going mood on Saturday and he tends to freak out when we step foot in any store other than Macy's. But he did great! I found two shells, a blouse, a yellow-striped cardi, and a couple of necklaces. AND I found two dresses for Brynn Leigh at H&M, well I found lots more but only bought two. I could spoil the mess out of that kid...

Then we went to Jurassic Park 3D. I am so used to watching the VHS on a 13 inch television, so it was unbelievable how crisp and clear and excellent sound.

We went home after that. And I had a fever and didn't feel good for some reason and rested.

I felt better the next morning... random. But slept in till 10am.
The kitties were climbing all over me, I figured they missed me, so we had some snugly cuddles time. All four of us got in the guest twin bed. Very often I feel like I need a third kitty, but there was no way another cat could have fit on that pile of people and felines.

We went to Aldi in Pearland. Kind of a drive from our house, but my mom already went and I was curious. It is a tiny little grocery store with just basics, bread, meat, dairy, produce. I would definitely like one in our area.
Hear that Aldi? I write HEB once a year telling them how much our area needs another grocery store. We must have the most Randall's stores in all of Houston.

On the way home we stopped by to say hey to mom & dad. And invited ourselves over for dinner and Game of Thrones.



In the last 4 or five months our weekends usually go like this
sleep
netflicks
frozen pizza
sleep
repeat

Boredom and frustration were overwhelming. Wanting to do so much but not having the money or the energy. It was unbelievably refreshing to DO something this weekend. All of life's problems are not fixed, and we still have a full plate. But getting a little break is what we needed.

uninvited

Have you ever showed up at a dinner party and the hostess had no idea you were coming?
Embarrassment and anxiety swirling around every guest. Shifting eyes. The hostess is gracious and welcoming and finds a tattered chair for the corner of the dining table.

That's how I feel about my life.
I showed up without an invitation and ruined the energy of the party.

Everyone wants to comfort me and say the more the merrier, but there clearly isn't room at the table.

here is my sweet heart

I have been agonizing over this post, which pictures and how to say how much we love her and capture the events of those days we were there. Mom and I found a letter from PawPaw to Leah in her baby book. One day Brynn Leigh may want to read what Auntie said about her first days in this world, that is some pressure. But seeing as she is almost 3 weeks old I just need to post it whether it is perfect or not.



First Impressions of my First Niece

We walked up to the door, Room 264, and knocked softly. Opening the door she was behind a curtain in her daddy's arms. Swaddled in pink. Sweet and peaceful.

I think I torn her out of Michael's hands. I wanted to see her and hold her and tell her my name. She is perfect. Looks like a mix of Brody and Dylan but with a sweet feminine mouth and girly features.
She won't remember but she was loved so much from the very moment she was born and we fell all over ourselves to get to meet her. She was so quiet until David held her while standing, she screamed a piercing girl yelp. We all joked that she could sense a change in altitude.

I spent the next few days going back and forth between the hospital and the house. After breakfast I would get in Dylan's bed and David would get in Brody's bed and they would show us all their toys or try to attack David. And one morning we played Monopoly Jr. I called it "my mid-morning rest".  Then mom and I went up to the hospital. Everyday I wanted so badly to take care of my Leah. Her body did an amazing job growing and caring and giving birth to our little BL. Although recovering, Leah had a sense of peace around her. The hospital room was so calm and felt light. Little promise wrapped in a blanket, squeaking in her mother's arms bathes the room in cozy, warm love. She may not remember but those were special days in the hospital.

It was raining on homecoming day.

She didn't like her car seat at first and let everyone know. Over all she is a fearless, easy going baby who knows what she wants.

Mimi loaded the car with all her gear and Michael drove slow to avoid any bumps in the road. When we walked in the house everyone came over. Brynn Leigh can draw a crowd.

Dylan sang her the song he wrote for her "baby don't cry" and Brody was quick with his assigned job of pressing the music soother. Dylan wanted to hold her and did a great job of watching cartoons and holding a baby at the same time. She is so lucky to have big brothers to bring her toys when she is sad. (And stick monkey hands in her mouth)

Her first day home we held her non-stop, and by we I mean me. I couldn't put this sugar lump down. Brynn Leigh had no complaints for her auntie. Even though I was only around for a couple of days I changed one pp diaper. And she dealt with that debacle, I can already tell she is going to be one tough cookie.

We had dinner that night in the dining room, all of us. Leah, Michael, Dyan and Brody (at their small table they carried into the dining room together), Mimi and Cool and Auntie and David and Brynn Leigh. Everyone together. And that night we had movie night and watch Madagascar 3.


Hard to sum up new life. First days in this world, and possibility and change. And what I want Brynn Leigh to remember about her first days is

         She is loved

         Her family came all the way to Arkansas to meet her
         Uncle David and Brody both loved petting her head - her dark hair
         Auntie loved her widdle chin and her tiny squeaks
         Mimi stayed with her for 3 weeks + 1 week before
         Mimi sent "Picture of the Day" to Auntie
         Brothers love her so much
         She is a star and a sweet heart.

march comes in like a lion

This March came in like a lion, lots of roaring and unexpected challenges and one very special treat.

 

Houston

Two Saturdays ago Mary had a seizure/s and was rushed to the hospital for tests. David got the call and was at his parents house in less than five minutes, yet another reminder of how nice it is to be close to them for emergencies. Thankfully she was fine and did well in the hospital even with a roommate!

 

Last weekend, and a little before and a little after, Gil was in Miami for the derm convention and we had Mary for four days. I tend to get nervous around this time of year because it is a lot of responsibility to care for another human being, especially one with health problems.

 

I wonder sometimes what was God thinking? If I were to pick a person who would cope with a terminally ill MIL, I would choose someone tender, caring, selfless and easy going. Not going to fool myself into thinking I am any of those things. When David was struggling seeing his mom in the hospital I didn't know how to comfort him, I just made stupid jokes about Ceasar medication.

In general what was God thinking with me? He made me so different and so bad at all the stuff that makes someone a good person.

Arkansas

Thursday, March 7th 2013

My niece Brynn Leigh was born! I love saying her name, Brynn Leigh and calling her my niece. I love her lots.

Friday we flew to AR to meet her! Went straight to the hospital for the first snuggles. David went to his post with the boys. I swear they think he is their best friend. They love me, but the LUUURVE him, they cried when they found out Dp wasn't staying forever. (They asked him to buy a house in Arkansalt)  I got to take care of Leah and Brynn Leigh but Dp stayed on twin duty all weekend. But watching him play Transformers it didn't look like duty to me.

I brought the boys a scavenger hunt for the park expecting them to half pay attention. But Saturday we went to the park and they were really into it. Brody especially. Things we found I didn't think we would find: birds nest, butterfly, kite, someone riding a bike. Things we found that weren't on the list: duck, bridge, tree stump and fish.  Daddy Cool and David taught the boys to skip rocks. We wore those boys out, Brody asked to go home, he wanted to play on the play ground but he was tired and his feet hurt.

 

Houston

Monday we left mom and Mercer's and BL and flew home. Terrible feeling leaving the people you love. I had so much time with the twins when they were born, and I want BL to know me just the same.

When we got home I noticed the bathroom floor was soaked. My first thought was "David mopped!!" and then quickly realized no, husbands don't do house work. We had a burst pipe in the attic and water was dripping from the ceiling.

When have you ever heard someone say "I was at home and heard a dripping noise and it was a leaky pipe so we turned off the water and called a plumber before any damage was done." ? Never.

ALWAYS " We came home from a trip and the _____room was flooded." Always.

Thankfully

• Pipe was an easy, fairly inexpensive, fix.
• Husband mopped the bathroom floor!!

Reclining

Cats have beautiful posture, like slinky models or floating dancers.
And then there is Ribgy...
He sits three ways and all very schlumpy.
Spin Me Right Round
Like many dogs, Rigby walks in a circle looking for the perfect spot, when located he sits and drags himself another 360 degrees till he is coiled in a tight ball.
Timber
His favorite. He walks up to the desired spot, stiffens his joints and tips over. No bending of legs just TIMBER! Flop. This usually means "I'm ready for belly rubs."
Army Crawl
I don't know, I just don't know.
His is walking and stops using his hind legs and keeps crawling till he is fully stretched and calls it a day. He looks like a flattened out kitten rug.
Contrast with Abbey's purposeful, dainty descent with a dramatic sweeping in of her tail like Zorro's cape.

last chance to daydream

I won't have to daydream about my little niece anymore.

I won't have to wonder
will she have a squeaky voice and texas twang like mama
or a big laugh like daddy?

will she be kind, thoughtful and a dancer like brother
or tender, funny and a lover of stuffed animals like other brother?

will she have dark hair or strawberry blonde hair
will she have hair?!

will we still call her Sweet Monkey 10 years from now when she wears lip gloss and has pierced ears?
will she be like Daddy Cool's family emotional and creative?
is she going to eat beef?
will she love the beach?

maybe when she is 5 will she know all the songs to annie or maybe play soccer
maybe she will watch astro's games with daddy
and play in mommy's old super high heels and sneak a spray of perfume

maybe she will love bluebonnets or sunflowers
maybe her favorite animal will be the elephant and she will learn to make a perfect trunk horn with her hands

I won't have to guess her name
or imagine her face and smile
and little baby girl smell

or daydream about my first niece hug.


sweet monkey

camping gear - loves/wants/necessities

Favorite Things "Camping Gear"

My family used to go camping as our summer vacation until this very unfortunate trip to the Smokey Mountains when it End of the World rained and water came in the tent and everything was wet and everyone was miserable. After that the camping thing sorta tapered off dramatically.

I thought I knew everything there is to know about camping and gear but I've learned so much doing it on my own. What to bring, how to pack, where to go, tool and tips. Most of the time I sit back, let David split logs and enjoy the fresh air.

COLEMAN TENT
When David came into the picture so many things about him needed to be fixed. He had 1 button down shirt and a pair of khakis and 6 inappropriate tshirts from Hot Topic. He couldn't name the Beatles. HE COULD NOT NAME THE BEATLES, he didn't even know how many there were. I'll give you a minute to pick yourselves off the floor. He also had never been camping as a child.

After the Beatles catastrophe and an introduction to the collared shirt I knew we were going to be camping folk. And my parents gave us a Coleman tent for our wedding gift.

Our tent has held up very well, it fits Dp which is also a chore for every.thing.in.life. Coleman makes great camping gear. If we ever get a new tent (this past trip I trying to remember how long we had been married and in 2015 we will be married 10 years! that tent is almost 10 years old? when did that happen??) which we certainly don't need cause it is like new, I think we will get a shorter ceiling so it is warmer in the cooler months. Even though we already have a pretty low ceiling compared to some of the monster tents people drag out into the woods.


SWEATY BANDS

I have a small head. In addition to my tiny head aliment, I have thin straight hair that doesn't stay in a ponytail or behind my ears and elastic headbands shoot off my head like missiles.

The Sweaty Band has velvet on the inside and it grabs hold to your hair. They stay on forever, through runs and hikes and even putting on sweatshirts!! I dont have this cute chevron one but I want it!

These are my new favorite thing ever.





SOAP ON A ROPE
My mom is a certified genius. She always packed a soap on a rope for the camp because there is never soap in a state park bathroom.
This is how my mom did it and this is how we have our SOR set up.
Take a knee high or the leg of a pantyhose; stick a hotel bar of soap in the toe; tie a knot at the top of the hose. Soap on a Rope! We keep ours tied to our water dispenser which we keep close to camp so running water and clean hands are always near by.

OTHER NECESSITIES

• We pack everything in one 116 gallon tub. Bugs/moisture stay out and it keeps the campsite clean and orderly.
• A nice hatchet and camp shovel. I'm not sure how you can function without one.
• We always bring extra freezer ziplock bags when we go hiking, if we see litter we pick it up and hike it out.
• I got Dp a camelbak for Christmas in a discontinued color and snagged a super deal. He loves it. Then he got all excited about me getting one too, and since the brand makes lady packs I looked into it and found my very own discontinued color - Mountain Fudge... wonder why they decided not to keep a pack with a name like that. ewwww. It is the best fitting backpack I've ever had! I think it is supposed to be a tiny pack on a normal sized human but it is just normal everyday sized on me, compared to past my butt in every other backpack I've ever owned!

CAMPING STOVE
Want one so bad. And after the cooking disasters we've had recently we can say we need on. Cooking over open flame is trickier than it looks...
Sometimes I can't believe that MeeMaw learned to cook on a wood burning stove. She was amazing.

alsation sensation

Last Friday, me and the folks were at Los Tios for TexMex Friday (yup still have that tradition going!) and Daddy told us we had to stop in Castroville at the Alsatian bakery.

Well Dp and I stopped mid enchilada (verdes) chewing and said alsawhadda? So apparently a small group of Alsatian colonists settled this town and you won't receive any judging from me if you quickly hurry over to Wiki to look up where this Alsace place is.

On our last night of Garner camping I convinced Dp not to try and cook breakfast in the morning. So we packed the car in dark. In the morning "we" packed up the tent and headed out. *insert kitty on a leash story*

I kinda thought Castroville was just down the road... 2 hours later we made it in to town and took a gamble on the Alsatian restaurant across the street from the Bakery.

Sammy's decor leaves much to be desired. If you are looking for a bright, inviting diner... well, this isn't it. Several sections were closed and didn't even have lights on. It is a seat-yourself kind of place so we grabbed a couple of menus and found a properly lit booth.

Breakfast is served all day at Sammy's and breakfast was on my mind. We had to remedy the petrified breakfast brick from the day before. I got two eggs with bacon and a biscuit and Dp got the Good Morning, which is my breakfast + a pancake. Service was so courteous and fast, and they kept Dp's coffee good and hot. Ask to sit in Theresa's section, she was so pleasant and kind and knew I wanted salsa before I could even ask.

The food is everything you want from a breakfast dive. Fast, real, fresh and tasty. I'm not a big biscuit fan, they are just too buttery and rich for my tastes but Dp said they were better than Annie's (our favorite bfast place in Houston), I kinda disagree - Annie's huge biscuits are my favorite.

Ok. Here is the deal.

Castroville is the coolest town on earth. We enjoyed so much people watching, including the incredibly tiny old woman who couldn't believe David was that tall and the lumbering gentleman who entered the restaurant with an old nub of a cigar stuffed in the corner of his mouth and upon ordering placed it in his shirt pocket.

Colorful. Gritty. So cool.

After our breakfast we went to the bakery across the street. Dp kept eating and eating samples. We ended up with a cream cheese thingy and iced bun thingy and a loaf of pumpernickel. I was the most excited about the pumpernickel of course.

I would love to be able to have time to wander around all our small Texas towns.

the successful failure

David and I spent the long weekend (was I the only one who had President's Day off?) camping at Garner State Park. It wasn't great.

Last week was probably the worst week in my professional life to date. I've never felt so unwanted, unappreciated and villainized in my entire life. I just wanted to spend the weekend in bed, surrounded by kitties and junk food. David made me go camping. Friday night we tried to pull together a menu, get all the gear organized and loaded in the car. I hate rush packing.

The drive was perfect. I love driving. So relaxing and freeing. Open road is the only thing that takes away my anxiety... that and kitties on leashes. (we'll get there in a moment.)

When we got to our site, we realized we were at a trailhead without any trees or shade. grumble. But it was either this trailhead or that trailhead so whatever, did I mention I didn't even want to come? What were the kitties doing without me??? David started to set up the tent and I sat in the car pouting. And I hear

"Awww CRAP"

David looks up and says I split my pants. And not the "woops I ripped the seat of my pants" but in the middle of a lunge he SPLIT THE CROTCH of his jeans! Ok, this got a smile, and a giggle, and a throw-back-my-head-and-explode-in-uproarious-laugher laugh.

David dun split his britches.

So we went on a sewing kit scavenger hunt, found one, sewed up his pants and then had lunch. You know, how every camping trip starts out.

By now it is getting kinda late, almost 4pm and David decides we should try the trail head by our campsite instead of the main, park sanctioned trail. And we started up the trail marked DANGER! LOOSE ROCKS! DANGER ZONE! VERY STEEP. (seriously) And we made it up several hundred feet of pure rock climbing and I think this is insane, I wanted a nice quiet weekend in bed and I am clawing and boulders and scampering up a cliff. So we turned around and came back down. Tried another trail as the sun was setting and ran back to the camp to try and get a fire started before dark. I was pretty much chanting "I am not having fun. I want my kitties." the whole way back to camp.

Dinner was a part success. Most everything cooked. But it was getting pretty chilly at this point and our meat was cooked but turned ice cold the second we pulled it off the fire. We made these Campfire Banana Splits - banana, mallow, chocolate wrapped in foil, A++.

That night IT.WAS.FREEZING.

Well no, that isn't accurate, it was 27 degrees which would make it BELOW FREEZING.

I didn't sleep, and spent the whole night with the tummy shivers and listening to Dp snoring. That is till 4am, when I had too pee and I was crying cause I was tired and so cold and I just wanted a nice quiet weekend in bed with the kitties and this is not fun. Dp drove me to the potty, which is heated by the way, and then we parked in front of the pavilion and slept in the car with the heat running.

At least I was warm and had a couple hours of sleep and was saved by daylight. (insert story here about our hippie neighbors who refused to use the restroom and I got to see bare hippie butt take a morning tinkle 20 feet from our site.) So we started to cook our breakfast.

See image below. Yes. That horrifying thing was breakfast. Otherwise known as charred tortilla.

Lesson learned.

This is when we set out to find coffee for Dp, there was also a tea kettle on fire disaster, and basically drove 14 miles round trip to get him caffiene, and by now I am ready to just pack up and go home. Right? Is this painful to read? But I wanted to see Lost Maples and the park ranger swore it wasn't going to be as cold. So I decided to stay.

We drove to Lost Maples crossing the Sabinal River 6 times (we counted) and right off I saw a cardinal. Cardinals always mean good luck for me. Lost Maples was perfect. Perfect weather, perfect water, amazing views, amazing trails, hopping across rocks to cross streams. Highlight of the trip. We should have stayed there. We only got to hike 1/3 of the park but I am sold. Certainly going back.

Although I gave a compelling argument to abandon everything at Garner and just head home on a high note, Dp drove me back to evil #15 campsite. We had a huge fire, our food wasn't charred, and our marshmallows were crispy on the outside - gooey on the inside.  Mr. Cardinal really turned things around. That night was a perfect temperature, I didn't even shiver once!

Cat on a Leash Story

All those Hill Country doggies have a great life. They get to play in State Parks, walk beautiful trails, drink from spring fed rivers and streams. Every time we'd see a puppy on the trails I'd tell Dp how cool it would be if we had a kitty on a leash. As we were leaving Garner I SAW A KITTY ON A LEASH. *cue squeals of excitement, joy, happiness, and 1 small glare of envy. Ps- it was a Maincoon and it was sniffing tall grass.

rhythm

driving in the rain and my wipers matched the beat of my music

almost as fun as

when someone is walking/jogging to the rhythm of your music and they don't know it.

i like to imagine that they are listening to the same song at the same time because somewhere out there someone is listening to holst the planets on a rainy day too. i'm convinced the world is small and big enough for it to happen.

14 B 14 - Everything in its place

#3 Everything In Its Place

What: get organized, make a plan to stay organized and get my life in order. really really learn how to manage the onslaught of clutter

Why: I'm noticing how interconnected all of my 14 goals are. Holding onto skinny clothes (of which I had an entire closet devoted) clutters my life which leads to stress and anxiety because of the clutter and shame that I can't keep a clean house.

Last year my mom saved me an article from Good Housekeeping. It wasn't a ten tips for a more organized life, or 50 ordinary household items used to create an organized pantry. Those are great articles and pins but lets face it unless a professional comes in and figures out my pantry it is going to be a constant mess. This article, Everything in Place, had 3 tips - an ah ha! moment for me.

Like I said, this issue is connected to so much of my dissatisfaction in life. I woke up one Saturday last month and shook David awake and said: "We are taking the closet doors off today."

I have hated our closet doors from day one in this house. They were so heavy I have to use a shoulder shove to push them open. In a marital compromise we decided to leave them in the middle of the closet so neither one of us has to heave them open. This solved that problem but left us both with just a tiny opening to reach any of our clothes and rendered the center most 2.5 feet of the closet a black hole.

Easy solution is to just take the dang doors down. Yes. I guess 50 years ago sliding closet doors weren't going anywhere and to get them down we'd have to take off the door jam and risk damaging sheetrock. Three years is all it takes to say to hell with the sheetrock, I need a closet!

And so they went.

Yes. That is unedited - and see the giant mound of crap in the floor that comes up to dp's knee? That is real life. (in this real life moment, dp does home improvement work in pjs and flip flops)

LIFE CHANGING MOMENT.

our room feels bigger

our closet doubled in size and in visibility

we finally got the dirty clothes hamper into the closet

we have a closet floor

it is phenomenally easy to get ready in the morning

and it has stayed this way for about a month!

On the same day as the closet door removal, big day, I did this.

That would be The Skinny Clothes. I don't know this picture doesn't do the 3 ft tall pile any justice. It was a lot of clothes. And it was hard. But I had to let go.

I still have a few things I just couldn't get rid of yet, and I'm allowing myself those things until the end of the year.


Neither of those goals are officially achieved but set in motion. Motion is a fantastic feeling.



ps- i weighed the doors. one door weighed 35 lbs. to open our closet i had to move SEVENTY FIVE POUNDS of door. ridiculousness