in progress

I'm not saying I'm old, or even that any of this was brought on by my birthday. In fact I forgot about my birthday till my work buddies reminded me.

So here is the deal
I've done this big huge thing and I wonder
now what?

With that out of the way I can see more of myself; a clearer picture. The things I should have done, road blocks, and SO many things I need to work on. Six months ago, if you asked me what was wrong in my life I could have given you a long list but only through the filter of

why couldn't i finish - what if someone finds out i didn't finish - if i finished no one would treat me like a worthless, soggy thing - why did it happen to me - i need to find the earlier version of me

I feel foolish for carrying all that mess around for all this time.
However- I see myself moving forward.

I have a list, a little 30 before 30 list. It isn't really about the big 3-0, but more like I have some serious ground to regain, eight years worth. Just a few -- I want to travel and take a watercolor class, and submit a piece somewhere, and dp has been begging to go skydiving.

I want to shed as much baggage as I can. How freeing would it be to start a whole new decade fresh? But always being in progress.


Its not who you were, its who you are
and we've come this far, no?
--incubus