plenty of regrets

MAY 31 2012

*optional soundtrack for today's post*


some people say you should live life with no regrets.
i guess that means they do whatever they want when they want
as much as that sounds appealing

i have regrets
and i dont think they are a bad thing

we make decisions with the information we have at the time
sometimes i make good ones
sometimes i make bad ones

the little things that nag at me
something i said
what i did
and why i did it

they all point to what i need to pay attention to in the future when making decisions



It seems like a long time ago, but I had the opportunity to take a writing workshop with University of Montana, a maymester course. I didn't do it. No singular good reason, just fear. I didn't know anyone, how would I get around, where would I live, how would we pay for this, what if I'm not a good writer and fail miserably.
I was afraid.
It was a big mistake. A huge regret of mine.

My sophomore year I decided I wanted to leave ACU and go to UofH to study creative writing. I was accepted into the program and went through orientation. I left my appointment where I signed up for classes and I was afraid. I didn't do it. No singular good reason, just fear and listening to what others wanted for me.
It was a big mistake. I never should have gone back to Abilene.
I regret this move more than any other so far in my life.



but clearly i'm regretting denying my gifts
i regret mostly trying to force myself into something i know instinctively
does not fit me

do you ever buy a garment even though
you dont like it
it doesn't fit
it is not your style
but it's cheap?
do you ever really wear that jacket or those pants, that top? Nope.

if it feels wrong now
chances are it is wrong


I have regrets
And they guide me where I need to be
And teach me how not to make decisions
- don't live by fear
- listen to your instincts
- you can't deny your true self

This is a pretty good road map.