Why I gave up empire waists

Maybe I should have entitled this How I cheated death and gave up empire waists. Either way here it goes.

My daily schedule goes as follows:
745- get to work, open office, make coffee
800-sit at desk, mindlessly staring at excel
1200- lunch & retrieve mail
100-sit at desk, mindlessly staring at excel
400-potty break, take mail to mail room

The 400 hour; this is my favorite part of the day because I like to imagine myself running/skipping out the door and never coming back. However, I always come back.

Yesterday, I didn't come back. I stayed in the elevator for 30 extra minutes. Here is that story.

I get into the ele with another woman, we press our respective floors, doors close. All is normal. We go up, a little sluggish, but nothing alarming. We reach my floor. Doors don't open. Elevator drops. (you may all gasp here) I always imagine myself screaming at this point but I think a more accurate description is- JAW DROPS.

Obviously the emergency breaks came on or I wouldn't be typing this. I press the call button, and they tell us help is on the way! Hooray! But the ele drops again and the breaks come on. We decide to put the ele on stop.
I must say the lady I was stuck with was someone I probably will never forget. She reminded me of Abilene, suede shoes, pleated jeans and salt and pepper hair-- heavy on the salt. I'm not crying at this point, but I know my cheeks are red and hot, I really hate that my fair skin shows my emotions. So maybe I looked like I was upset, (I WAS).

She looked at me and sweetly said "oh we'll be alright. we'll be just fine"
Are you expecting? (pats tummy)

I am sure there are occasions in which a woman would love to squeal YES! but they are few and far between. This was an occasions in which I had to say
no... um this top is flowy? and this uh empire waist...*cheeks getting redder*

Oh. I'm sorry. I just... I thought.. uh...
No no. Its ok. I have the tummy, just no baby in it. (pat tummy made of fat) *redder*

If falling to my death wasn't bad enough, they will have to determine if I am pregnant or just a butterball. Maybe I shouldn't have stuffed that brownie in my mouth just now. At least I went out with chocolate in my stomach remains, that is the only way to go right?
So what company do you work for?
*********, you?
**.

Oh good good.

Now they ask us to switch the ele to run to see if the doors will open. Ok? Elevator now does a poggo- up down up down- really fast. Here I must admit I thought, oh ok I really think we might die. You would too, it was really scary. We put the ele on back on stop.
I had to climb out of the roof of an ele in san antonio once. We were on our way to a gala, I was in a ball gown. They opened up the roof ad stuck a ladder in and we just climbed up. If I can do it in a gown, we can do it again.
Ok. (lord please don't make me climb out of the roof)

Now, picture in your mind a teenager learning to drive a stick shift, now imagine that car driving down an elevator shaft. That jerky, clunking is how we made it back down to the first floor. The doors open and we run out, seriously run out.

As we ride up our second elevator to get back to work she says, again sweetly

You know I didn't say it at the time but I thought we were 'splat,' and she makes a squashing motion with her two hands.

Gulp.

It only took me about an hour to calm down and stop shaking. But I had nightmares about not finding jeans in the whole store to fit me. I haven't been motivated to lose weight, because I have alot on my plate right now, and I am kinda overwhelmed as is. But there is no ignoring the pregnant comment.


Lastly, I might mention that I had not gotten my potty break. I didn't know how long I would be in there and was pretty worried I was going to have to tinkle in the corner.

Pregnant women do have to tinkle all the time.