optional soundtrack for today's post (feeling batty)
i can't decide if it has been a long month or a short month.
a long year or a short year?
for "someone like me" it is hard to admit what i am feeling. i dont what to admit what is happening, because i tell myself i am better - i was never going back there - i was always going to be in control. and then i start rationalizing it: maybe it is just a bad day/week/month/s - maybe i'm just sad/tired/stressed. and then little thoughts creep back in and then i get disgusted with myself and angry and angry at God for making this my battle and mad at david for not fixing me when i obviously dont know how to fix myself.
then i pretend it isn't happening.
and eat
and avoid
and hide
and deny
and rationalize
and end up angry right before i get sad again
1 comment:
Sending love and hugs, Analee! I am so sorry life is hard right now, and I'm praying God will hold you close, and give you hope that things will get better!
For what it's worth, here are two of my favorite quotes from C.S. Lewis' _The Magician's Nephew_:
“'But please, please - won't you - can't you give me something that will cure Mother?'
Up till then he had been looking at the Lion's great feet and the huge claws on them; now, in his despair, he looked up at its face. What he saw surprised him as much as anything in his whole life. For the tawny face was bent down near his own and (wonder of wonders) great shining tears stood in the Lion's eyes. They were such big, bright tears compared with Digory's own that for a moment he felt as if the Lion must really be sorrier about his Mother than he was himself.
'My son, my son,' said Aslan. 'I know. Grief is great.'"
And...
“When things go wrong, you'll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start to go right they often go on getting better and better.”
'Praying that your "better and better" will be here soon!
~L. Snyder
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