el fin

at the end of 10 I knew
knew 11 would be
heavy
uphill
a war
the desert

wating it out
and 12 is finally here
finally

and 12 knows it has to make up for
hurt
loss
struggle

1- accomplishments big and small
* January 2010 I told my self, this was the last time but I would try to convince ACU to let me finish my last 5 classes in Houston. It took 6 months of work, and digging up the past, tears and simply begging. Not sure why but it was the right time, the right person and in January 2011 I began my last semester knowing it was practically suicide.

I did it. An accomplishment so big it almost deserves a chapter of its own. It is life changing. Not tangibly, I still have the same job, but it is the start to letting go of too much baggage and pain. I'm sure I achieved other things, big and small but this dwarfs any successful meatballs or finished crafts.

I didn't just graduated, I woke up. I'm not the same person I would have been if I had graduated on time, and I'm not the same person as I was last year. I'm new.

2-  pleasure
* When all else is dark and too much, my kitties are always there, cold ears, wet noses, snuggles and hugs.
* Family - family was always important, but somehow it is more important. mommy, daddy, tia, michael, twins...
* Leah- nothing, nothing can replace a sister.
* Russ Pitman
* If not now, when?
* New babies, Oliver and Cori
* Ice cream in the RAIN
* New pants
* Marble Falls yellow curry
* JoJo

3- hurts
* Too.Much.Loss
* Sick is easier when drs tell you what it is, instead I keep adding new symptoms to "normal" and hoping they in fact "just go away"

4 - forgiveness
I need to forgive a couple of people.
But I am asking for forgiveness from friends i've neglected, family i haven't thanked. i haven't called, written, given or cared enough for the people around me. I'm sorry.

5 - thankful
I'm not even aware of all the people who have prayed for me, and my family, and david's family. I've appreciated all thoughts, facebook comments, texts and prayers. Even when I've been a silent friend, a selfish daughter, missing member and overall unavailable this year. I'm not to pleased with how carelessly I have gone through this year. Thank you.

6- Last thoughts about 2011
Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:31

I'm waiting. Since 2010 I have been in survival mode, and after so long how does one still have hope on January 1st for a great year? I guess it is possible we have made it out of the shadows, I guess it is possible 2012 could be dull and it is also possible that 2012 will be bring new strength.

Hope everyone has a 2012 worth blogging about.



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